I love my Critique buddies!
I got back a few comments on Mind Over Mind last week--not a lot, but very helpful.
Everyone agreed the first chapter was too confusing--the POV was from a minor character so it set up the wrong expectation, the transition to the second chapter was jarring, and no one really understood the information I was trying to get across. After re-writing the entire chapter twice, I decided it was simply not going to work. Instead, I split what I needed into a different chapter and a scene, told it from a major character's POV and wove them in later. Then I had to make sure the rest of the manuscript matched up, but it's a lot better.
One critiquer didn't like the final conflict, and I realized I needed to do more foreshadowing. That wasn't too hard. She also thought it was too long, but going over it, I didn't agree and didn't know where to cut, so I am leaving it for the second-round critiquers.
I have done the read-aloud test, this time alone for time sake and because some of the topic is not really suited for a 10-year-old boy, but I really enjoyed it. Next job, the backward-by-sentence check for grammar, wording and typos.
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