It's 11:03, and I'm going to bed in a few minutes, but I'm at a hotel with wi-fi and finally have a chance to share the beige jokes I've been promising.
For those who have forgotten, we have been unsuccessfully trying to sell our house. After the movers packed out our stuff, we hired a different agent who was more knowledgeable and willing to promote our property, and did a few more things to make it more marketable. (MLS ID# ST6497947--look it up at realtor.com!)
One of the major changes we did was to paint the bolder colored walls beige. Paraffin wax, it was called, actually--beige with snooty attitude. Personally, I hate beige, and since it was going over the chili peppers I adored and the colorful handprints that the children made as a border along the playroom wall, I was esp. annoyed at the necessity. To compensate, I make up beige and realtor jokes:
Where to Realtors go on vacation? Beige-ing (Thanks to the folks at the Writers' Chat room for that one.)
How can you tell a realtor is going through mid-life crisis? The beige sports car.
If Realtors wrote songs: "We are living in a Paraffin World." "I'm Beige" "Beige semi-gloss shoes" "Feels just like I'm walking on hardwood floors"
Realtor fashion advice: Beige is the new black.
If Realtors wrote the Bible:
--In the beginning there was beige. And God said, "It goes with everything." And it was good.
--And God said to Noah, "Why are you painting the ark?"
Noah said, "Well, God, we only needed it those 40 days and the missus thought..."
God said, "Thou Shalt Paint it Beige."
That's all I can remember. the other computer took the rest on it's death bed. Maybe it was the fumes from the beige paint. time for me to go to bed.
Fade to beige...
Showing posts with label house-selling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label house-selling. Show all posts
Monday, August 06, 2007
Monday, July 30, 2007
Bum luck and blessings
Sorry--no beige jokes tonight.
It has been a long and busy and none-too fun week. It started with painting half the house beige or white (including covering over the chili peppers and kids' painted hand prints on the wall) and ended with the three-hour mad dash to totally clean a messy house in time for an surprise open house. We'd left the house Friday night with paint cans, paint splatters, three loads of junk to take to the dump, dirty bathrooms, etc. We thought we would have all day to clean, then we discovered at 9:30 am Saturday that our realtor had scheduled an open house at noon. Since she said the ad was in the paper, we hustled to get it done. By 1:00, we were just finishing up and she came in from where she'd been sitting in the front yard to apologize--the ad never went in the paper.
Our great luck did not end there--that evening, bringing two of the kids home from a birthday party, we got hit by a drunk driver. No one was hurt, thanks be to God, but Rob's car (2007 Honda Ridgeline with 2100 miles) needs a new back panel, wheel and alignment--possibly the frame straightened. All before we leave Monday morning. Somewhere in this time, we also need to get the tonneau put on so we can carry our junk.
So the beige jokes I was promising got tossed in with all the other junk I was trying to hurriedly get out of the house for the open house that wasn't, and in light of all the other stuff going on, from getting the car fixed to finding a new realtor, I haven't had time to dig them back out.
So what are my blessings? Our neighbors--wife, husband and kids--all pitched in to help clean up. we'd have never gotten it done if they hadn't. My mother-in-law helped repair and clean, and picked up the kids after the accident when the police took so long to arrive. When we were hit, one person in the neighborhood was already calling 911 to report the drunk driver and stuck around to make his statement to the police and make a copy for us. The EMT folks were there within minutes and stayed with the lady who hit us because they were afraid she was going to run. They came by every few minutes to check on us and reassure the kids. The accident happened on a residential street at a very low speed; had she not hit us, she would have turned onto a high-speed busy road and could have killed herself or someone else.
So tonight, I'm offering up a cyber-prayer of thanks to God for giving us such great friends and neighbors, for protecting us, and for making what could have been major tragedies into merely major annoyances.
BTW--for those who asked, Alex's arm is in a cast now and he feels much better. They think we can take it off when we get to Minot.
It has been a long and busy and none-too fun week. It started with painting half the house beige or white (including covering over the chili peppers and kids' painted hand prints on the wall) and ended with the three-hour mad dash to totally clean a messy house in time for an surprise open house. We'd left the house Friday night with paint cans, paint splatters, three loads of junk to take to the dump, dirty bathrooms, etc. We thought we would have all day to clean, then we discovered at 9:30 am Saturday that our realtor had scheduled an open house at noon. Since she said the ad was in the paper, we hustled to get it done. By 1:00, we were just finishing up and she came in from where she'd been sitting in the front yard to apologize--the ad never went in the paper.
Our great luck did not end there--that evening, bringing two of the kids home from a birthday party, we got hit by a drunk driver. No one was hurt, thanks be to God, but Rob's car (2007 Honda Ridgeline with 2100 miles) needs a new back panel, wheel and alignment--possibly the frame straightened. All before we leave Monday morning. Somewhere in this time, we also need to get the tonneau put on so we can carry our junk.
So the beige jokes I was promising got tossed in with all the other junk I was trying to hurriedly get out of the house for the open house that wasn't, and in light of all the other stuff going on, from getting the car fixed to finding a new realtor, I haven't had time to dig them back out.
So what are my blessings? Our neighbors--wife, husband and kids--all pitched in to help clean up. we'd have never gotten it done if they hadn't. My mother-in-law helped repair and clean, and picked up the kids after the accident when the police took so long to arrive. When we were hit, one person in the neighborhood was already calling 911 to report the drunk driver and stuck around to make his statement to the police and make a copy for us. The EMT folks were there within minutes and stayed with the lady who hit us because they were afraid she was going to run. They came by every few minutes to check on us and reassure the kids. The accident happened on a residential street at a very low speed; had she not hit us, she would have turned onto a high-speed busy road and could have killed herself or someone else.
So tonight, I'm offering up a cyber-prayer of thanks to God for giving us such great friends and neighbors, for protecting us, and for making what could have been major tragedies into merely major annoyances.
BTW--for those who asked, Alex's arm is in a cast now and he feels much better. They think we can take it off when we get to Minot.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Fundamental Truths of Living
Today was a busy day tearing out a bushes, planting a garden, writing a critique and finishing Faith-Filled Fiction. Therefore, I offer up these reflections as my post:
On Moving:
No matter how spotless your house is, there will be a realtor who will tell you to clean it up.
The bush you spent the last five years caring for will die the week the house goes on the market.
The day you soak your lawn, it will rain. Heavily. Non-stop. For 36 hours.
On Writing:
It's impossible to write with a cat on your chest.
The cat will invariably sit on your chest just as you get comfortable with the laptop.
The piece of paper I toss because I don't need it anymore will be the piece of paper I need a week later--for an article that's due!
On Life:
No matter how busy you are, there's someone busier. No matter how awful you feel, there's someone sicker. No matter how bad your luck is, there's someone who's having hard times. Yet despite this, they will be continuing to live their life with love, humor and faith. They can inspire you if you let them.
No matter how many times you explain what you need to someone, that person will get it wrong and at the worst possible time--like right before a deadline. Sometimes, that person will be you.
On Moving:
No matter how spotless your house is, there will be a realtor who will tell you to clean it up.
The bush you spent the last five years caring for will die the week the house goes on the market.
The day you soak your lawn, it will rain. Heavily. Non-stop. For 36 hours.
On Writing:
It's impossible to write with a cat on your chest.
The cat will invariably sit on your chest just as you get comfortable with the laptop.
The piece of paper I toss because I don't need it anymore will be the piece of paper I need a week later--for an article that's due!
On Life:
No matter how busy you are, there's someone busier. No matter how awful you feel, there's someone sicker. No matter how bad your luck is, there's someone who's having hard times. Yet despite this, they will be continuing to live their life with love, humor and faith. They can inspire you if you let them.
No matter how many times you explain what you need to someone, that person will get it wrong and at the worst possible time--like right before a deadline. Sometimes, that person will be you.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
7 tips to get your house market-ready
The house goes up for sale on Wednesday. I've got conflicting feelings, house-wise. While I love moving into a new home--rearranging things and making a new space "ours"--I'm very sad to leave this house. This house was lovely when we bought it, and over the years we've redecorated it, so it's gorgeous.
Even so, there's a lot of work involved in putting a house up for sale. Today, I thought I'd share with you the lessons I've learned about getting your house market-ready:
1. Ask a realtor to critique your house in advance. As soon as you know you'll be selling your home, ask a realtor to go through your house and point out things that you can do to improve its marketability. The earlier you do this, the more time you have to budget, change and enjoy those improvements. Last year, we had our realtor walk the home. She suggested everything from putting in tile floors and changing the kitchen counters to tearing out the fake grass carpet on the balcony and putting in a couple of wicker chairs. Because we had time, we could find a good but inexpensive contractor, shop for sales and get the improvements done at about half of what it would have if we'd done it at the last minute. Plus I got to enjoy my gorgeous counters!
2. Fix things. Big or small, a problem in a house implies there are others that can't be immediately seen. Take care of leaky faucets, the toilet that runs, the lock that sticks. Take care of cracks in the ceiling and find their cause. (For us, the upstairs bathtub just needed re-caulking.) If you have doubts about the wiring or furnace, get them checked by a pro, so you can fix them before it becomes an issue in closing.
3. De-Clutter. De-cluttered rooms look bigger and allow people to imagine their stuff in your house. Pack up the knick-knacks and extra linens, remove unused furniture, even box up the books and toys. Use this time to cut the clutter permanently--toss unusable, broken or obsolete items and give the good unwanted stuff to charity. If you don't have a lot of storage space, pile boxes neatly in the garage or even an empty bedroom. People can more easily imagine an empty room with boxes than a messy room with stuff.
4. Spruce up the yard. A friend told me people usually make up their mind about a house in the first 10 minutes. I know I do. Encourage that good first impression with a nice yard. Over-seed the lawn, mulch, plant a few flowers. Trim the trees and bushes (but if you need major trimming, do it early so the leaves have time to grow back.) Re-surface the driveway. Paint the door if it needs it and wash down the front porch. Get a nice Welcome Mat.
5. Clean. I know, "Duh!" It makes an impression, though. Personally, I believe people don't mind a little mess in terms of scattered toys or papers, especially it they are last-minute lookers, but filth like grease on the oven fan and stains on the carpets--things that look like they've been there awhile--say the house isn't cared for. Give your bath a close look--no one wants to imagine themselves in a mildewed shower stall.
6. Touch-up. If you have a truly awful, outdated rug or floor, you may want to replace them. If you have walls that are beyond cleaning, a fresh coat of paint does wonders. However, most of the time, touching up will suffice. Repair holes in the walls, re-caulk along the edges of the tub or shower stall, give the trim or doors a quick coat of paint, and if you have the right colors, touch up the dings in the walls.
7. Station baskets in the busy rooms. When the realtor calls that someone wants to look at the house, you can do a quick tidy by stuffing toys, books, dropped shoes, etc. into the basket and tucking it into a corner.
Even so, there's a lot of work involved in putting a house up for sale. Today, I thought I'd share with you the lessons I've learned about getting your house market-ready:
1. Ask a realtor to critique your house in advance. As soon as you know you'll be selling your home, ask a realtor to go through your house and point out things that you can do to improve its marketability. The earlier you do this, the more time you have to budget, change and enjoy those improvements. Last year, we had our realtor walk the home. She suggested everything from putting in tile floors and changing the kitchen counters to tearing out the fake grass carpet on the balcony and putting in a couple of wicker chairs. Because we had time, we could find a good but inexpensive contractor, shop for sales and get the improvements done at about half of what it would have if we'd done it at the last minute. Plus I got to enjoy my gorgeous counters!
2. Fix things. Big or small, a problem in a house implies there are others that can't be immediately seen. Take care of leaky faucets, the toilet that runs, the lock that sticks. Take care of cracks in the ceiling and find their cause. (For us, the upstairs bathtub just needed re-caulking.) If you have doubts about the wiring or furnace, get them checked by a pro, so you can fix them before it becomes an issue in closing.
3. De-Clutter. De-cluttered rooms look bigger and allow people to imagine their stuff in your house. Pack up the knick-knacks and extra linens, remove unused furniture, even box up the books and toys. Use this time to cut the clutter permanently--toss unusable, broken or obsolete items and give the good unwanted stuff to charity. If you don't have a lot of storage space, pile boxes neatly in the garage or even an empty bedroom. People can more easily imagine an empty room with boxes than a messy room with stuff.
4. Spruce up the yard. A friend told me people usually make up their mind about a house in the first 10 minutes. I know I do. Encourage that good first impression with a nice yard. Over-seed the lawn, mulch, plant a few flowers. Trim the trees and bushes (but if you need major trimming, do it early so the leaves have time to grow back.) Re-surface the driveway. Paint the door if it needs it and wash down the front porch. Get a nice Welcome Mat.
5. Clean. I know, "Duh!" It makes an impression, though. Personally, I believe people don't mind a little mess in terms of scattered toys or papers, especially it they are last-minute lookers, but filth like grease on the oven fan and stains on the carpets--things that look like they've been there awhile--say the house isn't cared for. Give your bath a close look--no one wants to imagine themselves in a mildewed shower stall.
6. Touch-up. If you have a truly awful, outdated rug or floor, you may want to replace them. If you have walls that are beyond cleaning, a fresh coat of paint does wonders. However, most of the time, touching up will suffice. Repair holes in the walls, re-caulk along the edges of the tub or shower stall, give the trim or doors a quick coat of paint, and if you have the right colors, touch up the dings in the walls.
7. Station baskets in the busy rooms. When the realtor calls that someone wants to look at the house, you can do a quick tidy by stuffing toys, books, dropped shoes, etc. into the basket and tucking it into a corner.
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