Mary Poppins Explains Werewolves and Zombies

I got very silly a couple of months ago and thought about writing a novel or play, Mary Poppins: Zombie Hunter.  Of course, I'd have to include songs, and they are the best part.  Here, Dr. Poppins and Bert explain to the children how werewolves and zombies came to be:

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious
It's a thing that you should know
In all of its four stages
If you try to tell your friends
They'll think that you're outrageous
SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

When I used tobark to speak when I was just a pup
My master game my nose a tweak and told me to shut up
Then one day, I learned a word that saved my aching nose
The biggest word you've ever heard and this is how it goes!

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious
It's a thing that you should know
In all of its four stages
If you try to tell your friends
They'll think that you're outrageous
SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

Jane:  But it's just seven words strung together!
Poppins:  Don't be impertinent, Jane!

When you're going through Stage One, it really hurts a lot
But when you've movedon to Stage 2, the agony will stop.
That is when your mind explodes and joins the gestault
You're not alone!
The world's your own!
Your former life is naught.

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious
It's a thing that you should know
In all of its four stages
If you try to tell your friends
They'll think that you're outrageous
SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

In Stage 4 the danger lies, so listen carefully
We react to telepatic powers differently
Some will grow while others will so badly atrophy
Their brains will fry and they will die and come back a zombie.

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious
It's a thing that you should know
In all of its four stages
If you try to tell your friends
They'll think that you're outrageous
SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

You may wonder why we saved Stage 3 for the very last
Here you'll see the signs of whether your friend will live or pass
Cludy eyes and rashy thighs that you think are bad
Show the body well at work improving what it had, so

SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious
It's a thing that you should know
In all of its four stages
If you try to tell your friends
They'll think that you're outrageous
SuperLupineViciousGenomeSequenceThat'sContagious

If Mary Poppins Arrived During the Zombie Apocalypse

I think she'd sing a song something like this:

(Sung to "A Spoonful of Sugar")

(spoken)

In each undead we must put down

An element of fun is found

You find the fun and whack!

The undead don’t come back

(sung)

Those who spurned the undertaker

We will send to meet their maker.

A lark!  A spree!  It’s very clear to see that

A shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

The zombie hoard go down, the zombie hoard go down

Just a shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

In a most exciting way!

A man who’s defending his nest

As very little time to rest

While taking out the shambling undead.

Though he’s knee-deep in their gore

He’s ready to take on more.

He knows to stop would be death of Pop

And

A shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

The zombie hoard go down, the zombie hoard go down

Just a shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

In a most exciting way!

(Interlude, courtesy of Walking Dead—much gunfire and people screaming as they do something stupid and pay fatally for it)

Intrepid moms that fetch the food

From the ransacked grocery stores

Always go well-armed and cautiously

‘Cause as they’re filling up their packs

A zombie could sneak ‘hind their backs

And hence (Look out)

They find (Oh, no!)

Double shots work fine

Aaaaaaahhhhhh!  Whew!

‘cause

A shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

The zombie hoard go down, the zombie hoard go down

Just a shovelfull of kickass makes the zombie hoard go down

In a most exciting way!