The Small Press Author Blues

Been a long time since I've been inspired to bad song lyrics, but Friday night, I was tuning my harp while bemoaning my marketing successes (or relative lack of success when you consider work vs. results), and I came up with this. BTW, I did not put it to the harp--harps are not well known for the blues. Imagine a harmonica doing the the bada-ba da Dum!


bada-ba da Dum Wrote me a book
bada-ba da Dum But it don't sell well
bada-ba da Dum Though I've been marketing
bada-ba da Dum Like a bat outta hell
bada-ba da Dum The bookstores won't take it
bada-ba da Dum 'Cause the press is too small
bada-ba da Dum Each store had a new excuse and I have heard them all!

Oh, I got the blues!
The small press author blues
Wish I were in Stephanie Meyers' shoes
I'd kick those small press author blues.

bada-ba da Dum Now I love my publishers
bada-ba da Dum So don't get me wrong
bada-ba da Dum They all do their best
bada-ba da Dum They deserve this song
bada-ba da Dum 'Cause the industry screws them
bada-ba da Dum And bookstores do, too
bada-ba da Dum Makes them pay for the returns and rips the covers off them, too!

Oh, we got the blues!
The small press business blues
If we could just wear Amazon's shoes
We'd kick those small press business blues.

bada-ba da Dum Now some folks are sayin'
bada-ba da Dum Self-publishing's king
bada-ba da Dum I can put my book on Kindle
bada-ba da Dum It don't mean a thing
bada-ba da Dum A billion books on Kindle
bada-ba da Dum How do I make the scene?
bada-ba da Dum When even with small press I don't get folks to notice me?

Oh, I got the blues!
The small press author blues
Wish I were in JA Konrath's shoes
I'd kick those small press author blues.

bada-ba da Dum That's it; I'm done!
bada-ba da Dum I'm in this for fun
bada-ba da Dum Got so many stories
bada-ba da Dum And I love every one
bada-ba da Dum So I'll write my stories
bada-ba da Dum And I'll find them good homes
bada-ba da Dum Because my life is better when my imagination roams

Oh, who cares about the blues?
The small press author blues
I'm comfy in my shoes
My bunny slippered, funny flippered, what no author can do without
To kick those small press author blues.