On Writing and Digging Out of Holes

(Note: This is not me.)
There comes a point in every novel (at least for me) when the momentum slows, and the characters seem to have retreated to their trailers to watch the TV shows I hate, and the internal editor wants to go back and rip apart the past 38,000 of 40,000 words. About that time, my mouth and stomach fight about whether I'm really hungry, and my hands try to convince my brain that they are better employed holding a mop or re-arranging furniture. Of course, my Muse if tempting me with the next story, while "Mom brain" is running a list of things I should do instead.

Ever get like that? Like I said. it might just be me.

I'm sure it's because I'm a pantster. By the time I get to the middle of a manuscript, I'm deep into the plot and characters, and have the subplots. I've been deep in a hole. digging away happily until I suddenly realize that that's a *deep* hole I'm standing in, and if I gave any thought about getting out, it was probably to have an arrow pointing to a rope. That rope--my vague idea of how it all ends--looks pretty wimpy and un-secure right then.

By now, I know better than to panic. My characters know how the story ends. They always have a way out: a nice set of instructions for turning the rope into a ladder or, on occasion, a secret underground road. However, I have to keep digging and forming the hole in order to find it. It's just that by now, we're both tired of me digging.

So what do I do? Depends. I may ask for a map (a.k.a. an outline) or a hint (brainstorming). I may look for help by asking my husband or friend or reading. No matter what I do, however, I keep digging.

I'm at 40,000 words. LaCenta, one of Neeta's apprentices, has not only re-killed her first zombie, but captured its murderer. Totally unexpected!

When Life Experiences Technical Difficulties

Sorry I've skipped some blogs. My life has had some technical difficulties.

Technologically, I've been blogging on my cell phone, but I don't know how to transfer them. I have some fun blogs once I figure it out. My laptop is back at Best Buy--they've apparently been calling the wrong number for days. I'm going to pick it up tomorrow.

Biologically, I've had the root canal of doom. Four hours of sitting lock-jawed as four different dentists drilled away. I had six shots of Novocaine or its equivalent. Five x-rays as they checked and checked to be sure they got deep enough. I have thin, twisty roots, apparently, which are hard to find, plus old calcified teeth. I was treated to the seven words no one wants to hear during a root canal: Fifty dollars to whoever finds that root!

It wasn't all that painful--thank you, Nococaine--though my jaw was incredibly sore afterwards. I was laughing an joking with the dentists right up until the last 5 minutes when they looked at the x-rays and realized they'd broken a drill bit in my tooth and it was stuck in the hole. Then came apologies from Dentist 2, talk of getting a specialist involved, etc. In the end, Dentist 1 is going to finish the procedure next week, skipping an office party to do so. He's also going to cap the tooth, its neighbor and maybe the one below, which he thinks is cracked. Hopefully, that will be it.

Of course, as a writer, I had to use this experience. I toyed with a story ala Stephen King, but ended up with and SF flash about a woman who communicated with aliens through the drill bit stuck in her mouth.

Locationally, we are in the process of buying a house in Utah, our next stop in Rob's career. The inspection report came back with 40 items--20+ of which we think need to be handled before we close. Now we're waiting for the reply.

Medicationally, I'm on codeine which doesn't hit me as hard as it does most people, but has left me feeling unmotivated. I'd like to sit around and watch TV tonight, but we have three boys over for a sleepover. Rob's taking them to the comic shop tonight, so maybe I can watch "Seven Pounds" with Will Smith if it's on Netflix. Think I'll go check now.

I'll be back on track Monday, promise.

Pitch Session Successes or How to Make a Good Impression wiht and Editor

Last week, I talked about our shining example of what NOT to do when pitching to an editor. I'd just like to note that this is the first time in three years--probably 150 pitches--that we had any problems of that magnitude. Overall, the people who attend the conferences are inexperienced, but professional and eager to learn. It thrills us coordinators not only to see the successes but the growth they show in just a few days.

Attending the practice sessions was the single-most important factor. We had people who, before a session, weren't even sure how to log into the site; by pitch time, they could navigate both rooms, copy and paste their words, and were comfortable with the technology so that they could concentrate on the questions.

We asked that everyone prepare a 100-word pitch. This is like the first paragraph of the query letter and should give a good idea of the book. Some of the pitches in practice worried me! They rambled, didn't give a good sense of the book, or were too long. We spent about 10 minutes in group critique, giving suggestions for tightening, from general advice "You need to tell us how it ends. Tease the reader, not the editor" to actually rewording sections.

Every pitch I privately cringed over got taken, scrubbed, and polished to diamond quality. I got chills sometimes at the improvement!

Another thing we suggested was preparing for some common questions and doing some research into the publisher. In our instructions, we gave folks the general topics covered in a proposal and told them to have answers ready--in their heads if not in a file. Some, however, prepared a pitch file, and it not only cut down their time trying to come up with answers to questions, but it made them come off as definite pros!

We had a lot of problems with word count this year, but after the sessions, people realized their error. Some, however, turned that weakness to a strength: "I know it's short for YA, but I do have subplots to build it up and would like to work with you." "Just a note: It was originally 138,000 words; I've cut it to 117,000 to make it more accessible, and would appreciate working with an agent on advice concerning where to tighten it more." NOTE: This won't work in a query letter. Fiction must be complete unless you are an established author querying to someone who knows you or your work. However, when in pitch, especially when you are pitching to a smaller press or have a publishing record to back up your ability to produce, you can turn this weakness in word count into a strength in willingness to partner with your editor.

I always gave a play-by-play of what's happening in the pitch room to those waiting in line. Sometimes the publishers have a specific focus. People who paid attention to my commentary were able to modify pitches and have some responses prepared. In one case, an author changed his pitch to better focus on the publisher's interest. Another time, all those waiting wrote out quick bios and had website links ready--the first two questions the publisher asked everyone. This gave them more time to talk about the book. Once, I warned everyone that the publisher made up her mind early, then asked if the author had any questions. "This is your chance for inside info!" One author took advantage of that and not only elicited some good information, but made a professional impression.

There's a lot to be said about grace under pressure. The chat room has quirks--it isn't very compatible with Ma; it can be slow to load; it sometimes posted pasted material twice. We all understood that, but those who didn't let that faze them, who forged ahead, perhaps with a small joke or apology, made excellent use of their time. Several people took the time to read and answer the publisher's questions (rather than just posting more information off their query letter or book proposal). Again, those that did got more focused feedback.

30 Days of Superhero Posts

Here are the posts I did on superheroes during March.

1. There are real-world superheroes--costumes and all! Find them here: http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.com/
2. Which superhero are you? Take the quiz: http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/
3. The museum of Black superheroes: http://www.blacksuperhero.com/
4. Who can forget that superhero--Daffy Duck (Duck Dodgers)? http://www.comicvine.com/characters/
5. Here's a list of male superheroes, courtesy of Wikipedia. How many DON'T you recognize? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_male_superheroes
6. And now the list of superheroines: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_superheroines
7. Definitely my favorite superhero movies: http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/liveaction/skyhigh/ and http://disney.go.com/disneyvideos/animatedfilms/incredibles/
8. A rant on movie superhero costumes. I agree--why put nipples on Batman's suit? What does he need to compensate for? http://www.movietome.com/news/30097/10-worst-movie-superhero-costumes
9. Speaking of really bad superhero costumes... http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/9317/superheroes1xa.jpg
10. Ah, what I love to twist and snap: Superhero clichés: http://www.mutantreviewers.com/rroundtable1.html
11. More clichés: http://www.jonathancrossfield.com/blog/2008/03/comic-scriptwriting-superhero.html (ROFL--all superheroes are expert tailors)
12. This is different--a comic style review of Jews and Superheroes, discussing the Jewish origin of the superhero genre? http://www.forward.com/articles/14217/
13. Why am I thinking Superheroes? Gapman is in the making! Here's a teaser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlzneaTGZss
14. Superheroes: Where they really are now: http://www.jokesgallery.com/Pic/534superheroes094860.jpg
15. Real life superheroes have a website--vids, how-tos, events... http://www.reallifesuperheroes.org/
16. Don't believe it? Here's CNN reporting on real superheroes. http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/06/04/real.life.superheroes/index.html
17. Superheroes Anonymous is filming a documentary on real life superheroes: http://superheroesanonymous.com/SuperheroesAnonymous_film.html
18. Very funny movie about regular people becoming superheroes. (Bowler is exception--she's spooky!) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKmHBFgIoX0
19. Love it! Superpowers ruined by science! Gotta consider these for Gapman: http://www.cracked.com/article_17185_7-awesome-super-powers-ruined-by-science.html
20. You'll find anything in Wiki--even a list of superpowers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_superhuman_features_and_abilities_in_fiction
21. So should superheroes be a little paunchy? Tell me your opinion: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JTPTTZQ
22. Gapman's tummy tire? Survey taker says: "That's not fat, it's super-hero insulation and storage." Give your opinion: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JTPTTZQ
23. Have you seen Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog? Love it! http://www.drhorrible.com/
24. Gapman fen say: "Gotta have something to hold on to in my fantasy of Gapman!" Give your opinion: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JTPTTZQ
25. What's a superhero month without mentioning the Evil Overlord Don'ts List? http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
26. More on Gapman's tummy tire: "Try a muumuu, man! The spandex is NOT working." Give your opinion: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/JTPTTZQ
27. Need a name for your superhero persona? http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=superheronameorg
28. Want to "go super" but can't decide on the details? The Superhero generator does it for you: http://home.hiwaay.net/~lkseitz/comics/herogen/
29. Mysterious Superhero surfaces, strikes fear into the heart of no one. http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-10230158-1.html?tag=nl.e404

Pitch Session Feedback: How NOT to impress a publisher

Let's talk about how to hurt yourself in a pitch.

Natalie Hanemann made this comment that every author should write out, stick on their computer, and refer to before sending out any piece of correspondence to an editor:

Publishers are looking for authors they can partner with.

A pitch session, even more than a query letter or proposal, is going to give that publisher the sense of how easy you are to work with. I already talked about the importance of reading the instructions and following the guidelines, practicing and polishing your pitch. These are the basics for any writer-editor relationship. Today, let's get into some nitty-gritty about professional attitude.

1. You are offering a product to a publisher; they are not providing a service to you. It is up to you to make sure your product is the highest quality you can make it and that it fits their needs. If you don't want to compromise and revise, then there are "independent publishers" and presses out there who are glad to publish your book for a fee.

2. Don't assume the publisher will be so impressed by you they will make an exception to their practices. They are not going to accept books outside their established genres or topics; they are not going to bend their guidelines to suit their needs. No matter how impressive you are, there are hundreds or thousands of authors out there with equally quality stuff that does meet their needs and specifications. Unless you are a major celebrity, don't expect special treatment.

3. Be patient with the process. We had one person who was in a hurry; however, he kept jumping the gun and moving back and forth between the two rooms, which only delayed the process more and added to the frustration of the group at large.

4. Don't expect the publisher to follow a link. In one pitch, the person gave a link and then asked the publisher to refer to it while they posted their pitch. Fortunately, this publisher was savvy enough to be able to open two windows. However, many don't know how to do this. Further--the point is to sell them with what you offer there.

Incidentally, I saw an interview with an agent who said a pet peeve of his was e-queries that thought a website link was a good substitute for a well-done bio. "I don't have time to follow a bunch of links." You may offer it as "For more information..." but you must sell with what they see in the letter.

5. Don't get presumptuous. Just because you have the chance to pitch, does not mean you've gotten a contract.

One author asked in pitch if he could point out key insights in case the publisher "had to read the manuscript too fast." It doesn't matter how politely you try to word this, it still comes off insulting. First of all, the publisher had not accepted the manuscript or given any indication that they were interested. Second, how rude is it to assume that a publisher needs to be hand-held through the reading? Third, if you need to point out insights for the reader, then you have failed to make them clear in the text.

6. Don't get insulted by suggestions. Many of our publishers used some of the pitch time to give advice to those people whose manuscripts they didn't want or which they could tell needed some work. Most people took these with good grace. One person became irate at the thought that the publisher could suggest revision when they hadn't even read the book.

First, almost all manuscripts need revision. Second, this was a previously-published book written decades ago--the market and audience expectations have changed. Third, it's the editor's job to recognize problems in plot, approach, and audience. We had one author last year who told us her five minutes talking with a publisher gave her more insights into her story than hours with a paid (non-publisher) editor. These people know their business. And the publisher in question is one of the top in the field.

We had some issues with this in the critique groups, too. One person feeling she was torn apart; another arguing with the critique giver. None of our editors are there for a glory trip. They are genuinely trying to help. (Incidentally, the person who felt ripped apart is a new writer. She shared her concerns with us privately--the right way to handle the problem. Then, after she calmed down, she considered the critique and saw the editor's POV. Crits can hurt, but that's how a pro handles it.)

7. Keep your cool! You can harbor all these attitudes in your heart, but if you let them take control of you in the pitch and lose your temper, you have burned a bridge. Don't scold or insult your editor--or the conference organizers who got you this opportunity. This more than any other mistake is going to hurt you the most.

Two things I want to add about conferences:

1. If you are pitching for a conference, don't pressure the coordinators to "use their contacts" to get you something or to make exceptions for you. Even if we are friends with the editors and agents in question--and usually we are not--we want to maintain a professional relationship.

2. If you don't plan to attend the conference outside of the pitch session, then don't bother. There are other people who are serious about learning about the craft who deserve the opportunity.

My Novel's Journey: Speed Bumps 2

I managed 850 words on Neeta Lyffe: Zombie Exterminator this week. They've come up against a zombie in the park--but wait! It's just a geeky fanboy. Neeta is not pleased. This weekend, if I get time, she's going to show him just how displeased she is.

Part of my slowdown is that the location wasn't working, but I think I got that worked around. Roscoe, my sensitive, high maintenance character, doesn't want to go in the thick underbrush, and after some consideration, Neeta decided it looked like a nice place to get ambushed. So they gas the area. Writing moral for the week: If you come across a snag in your story, it helps sometimes to just write anyway and see if your characters can figure it out for you.

Anyway, the rest of the week has been spent with sick kids, putting in the suggestions for Why God Matters and going through the final edits on Infinite Space, Infinite God II. Yay! I was starting to sweat getting that in time for the projected launch date. I still think it will be later in April, which is a bummer, because it messes up my chance for a launch party at Godspace. Maybe I can do it in late May or early June.

I also managed to get my DragonEye, PI newsletter done. Someone reminded me the March issue hadn't come out yet. You can read it at http://www.myebook.com/ebook_viewer.php?ebookId=31006 or if you're registered on my website, you can download it in PDF. This time, Grace talks about meeting Vern for the first time. He didn't make a good first impression.

Pitch Session Feedback or How to Make a Good Impression wiht and Editor

We had a wonderful experience at the Catholic Writers Conference Online pitch sessions. We gave 66 authors seven minutes alone in a chat room with an editor to convince them to publish their book. Of those 66, only 12 got outright rejections--usually because the topic or genre isn't something they publish, or the angle or approach isn't right. We were blessed this year not only with some big-name Catholic publishers, but also some secular publishers and an agent.

This is a nerve-wracking process under the best of circumstances, but these authors did it in the new--and often unfamiliar--technology of the website chat room. We are very proud of them.

I'd like to share in a small series what people did right and what people did wrong, in hopes that some of you may learn from them should you ever have to the opportunity to pitch. First some rules of thumb:

1. Meet deadlines. Do I really need to say more? Well, one thing--if you don't get what you want because you missed a deadline, don't keep coming back asking for an exception to the rule.

2. Read and follow directions and guidelines: This really causes headaches more for the people organizing the pitch sessions than the editors, but it can put you in a bad light. Quite often, the biggest reason for rejection was the book did meet publisher's guidelines. Some were close--a few were far off.

Biggest problems in following directions this year:

--Fiction that is not complete. We stated this in our directions, yet many people registered then told us later that it wasn't done. It was too late to get more people, so we let them pitch, but it took a spot from someone else and is a no-no for the author without a track record.
--Already published books (self published, esp.) Despite the occasional success stories, publishers are not interested in a self-published work, unless it has a good track record (5000 is the rule of thumb.) Again, we allowed exceptions. They did not work well, and we won't do that again. If your book is previously published with another press and out of print, be sure you have all rights and a sales record to back it up.
--Not what the company publishes. Do not think that a publisher, however small or Catholic or kind, is going to make an exception for your book. Publishers have buyers with specific expectations--unless they are branching out (and they will say so in their guidelines), they will not accept something outside their area no matter how wonderful it is. For example--your spiritual handbook will not sell to the fiction publisher.
--Make sure you can attend. Pitch sessions were scheduled ahead of time. Emergencies are one thing, but asking if the publisher can reschedule for you is a no-no. They are giving us time from their busy schedule, and while we're all busy, too, they are the ones doing us the favor.
--Word count is outside the genre norm. Way too many of our books this year were too small or too large. The average novel is 80,000 to 100,000 words. After 100,000, it gets more expensive to produce.

In the CWCO's case, and I think for most pitch sessions, the editor, publisher or agent were very kind in making suggestions, but sometimes it meant a slot was taken that another author that did fit could have used.

3. Practice: Because we are dealing with an unfamiliar technology, we held several practice sessions so people could get used to chatting, copying and pasting, and even get critiqued on their pitches. The people who attended made significant improvements, were less nervous and sold their books more readily. It was also very obvious who did not attend.

4. Prepare: get your pitch critiqued. Check to find out what the publisher is interested in--and have some replies ready! We had some people who had answers ready for common questions (quick bio, experience, etc.) Some read up on the person or publisher they were pitching to. They rocked their pitch session.

5. Be receptive to what the publisher has to say. When the book was not right for a publisher, the person hearing the pitches (editor or the publisher himself), often took time to give advice. This is a golden opportunity to talk to someone in the trenches specifically about your book. One year, we had someone who didn't get accepted take that advice, applied it to his query letter and sold it to the next publisher he submitted to.

What if you don't do this? Check next Monday and find out.

My Novel's Journey: Best Kind of Speed Bumps

Oops! Missed a post on my novel's journey with Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator. The book hit a speed bump last week, but the best kind. I was working on another book with my dad.

Most of you know that I was blessed with a quick deadline contract to write a small book called "Why God Matters and How to Recognize Him in Daily Life." It contains 14 stories of events from our lives and what those events taught us about faith.

I had decided to recruit my dad, Steve Lumbert, Deacon in the Catholic Church to help me because I thought the book needed a male POV. I figured since he wrote so many homilies, he'd have an easy time coming up with seven stories.

What I hadn't thought of was how different a 10-minute homily is from a 500-word story and lesson. He had some wonderful stories, but needed a lot of help on the format. So we spent an intense week on Yahoo IM, with him writing, me critiquing and offering different ideas, and him rewriting. I think he must be sick of me saying, "This is good, but what's the faith point you're making?"

Following the format given to us by the publisher, we started each story with a quote. Mine were quips from saints and celebrities; his were paragraphs from encyclicals and the Catechism. So we spent some time cutting down or finding new quotes for him.

However, I loved his idea of incorporating the Catechism. I think too many people think it's inaccessible, high-brow or for catechesis only. So we spent several hours combing the Catechism together to find paragraphs that fit our stories. We did the same thing with the Bible.

Dad, of course, wrote the prayer that opens the book.

It's done and edited and in the hands of my wonderful writing friends for critique. Dad is getting some folks to read it over as well, and his asking his friend Deacon Diteqwig, to write the forward. Hopefully, it will all be done in time for the May launch date. That means two book published this year: Infinite Space, Infinite God II (no set date yet, sorry!) and Why God Matters.

Next week, I go full-bore on Neeta Lyffe. I want to have it done by May. I also have school planners to write (need 10 Bible stories. Then Gapman. Then Discovery. Somewhere in there, I need to edit Mind Over Mind (waiting on the contract and editorial direction). Oh--and let's not forget we're moving to Utah! Where did the year go?

EEK! Not going to think about it. This weekend, I'm going to rest and recharge, happy in the fact that I got to write a book with my daddy!

Wrap-up of the Catholic Writers Conference Online

Short report of the Catholic Writers Conference Online.

First, some general stats:

--394 attendees
--49 presenters giving 20 forum workshops, 46 chats
--12 publishers hearing 66 pitches--54 of which were asked to submit more
--seven totally action-packed days (We took Saturday off)
--$460 in donations
--one person signed up for the live conference; several others have asked about volunteering

Highlights:

Monday morning exemplified the spirit of the conference. Our first four presentations were no-shows, for various reasons, but that was not why this event sticks with me. Rather, it was the way other people in the audience jumped in with "I know something about that topic!"and took the place of the scheduled presenter. We were able to still have informative chats. Even better, the presenters made up their chats later, so people who attended both got extra info from several points of view. Through the whole week, this spirit of giving of time and talent infused both chats and forums.

The crit workshops went very well. People got some expert advice, and in some of the groups, also critiqued each other's work as well.

Poets found kindred spirits in Dr. David Craig's crit workshop, and have asked if there's a way to continue their fellowship. I've set them up a forum in the CWG website, but they may decided to do something else instead or as well.

Lessons Learned:

Pitch sessions didn't go as smoothly as last year, perhaps because we had more people and because of the non-Catholic publishers, which I think confused some folks. Next year, we'll have a checklist people must turn in when they want to register to pitch asking specific questions regarding guidelines, directions, and procedures to ensure they read the material and gave it some thought. Also, I am blogging about the sessions and will post them on the CWCO website for people to read in preparation next year.

Again this year, forum workshops got small attendance. Most people said they didn't have time with the chats. Next year, then, we'll extend the conference, but separate the chats and the workshops:

Friday-Tues: Chats
Monday-Friday: workshops (and pitch sessions)
Note that there is overlap on Mon and Tues. This allows presenters who are doing chats and workshops to do both, and keeps people from forgetting the forums when the chats are done.

Presenters and authors giving pitches had trouble with the chat room software if they used a Mac computer. We are working on a how-to document for next year. (This is a Java issue, so changing chat room providers will not help.)

Thanks to all:

Once again, the CWCO was a success, not only in numbers and education, but in the camaraderie and spirit. More than once, I had someone tell me that they'd never known such a group of writers existed, or that they'd felt alone until they discovered this conference, or that the conference has given them much-needed encouragement. That's our goal in the CWCO, and we're so glad that we succeeded.

However, we know we didn't do it alone: presenters, moderators and attendees made this the fabulous experience it is. Thank you!

Karina Fabian
Ann Lewis

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator:Getting back to Writing

Some people a really good book is a roller coaster. Personally, I hate roller coasters. I prefer log rides: big buildup, exciting drop, a lot of really cool things to look at... The really good ones give you pyrotechnics toward the end that you have to "escape" by the long drop into the cool water at the end. I feel that way when I'm really into writing a book, too.

Now imagine how it feels when the ride stops in the middle, and the attendant makes you get out to ride the merry-go round and the tilt-a-whirl awhile before bringing you back to the ride, right where you left off, to finish your ride.

That's kind of how I'm feeling about Neeta Lyffe. I had to stop cold a couple of weeks ago in order to get ready for Rob's promotion, Amber's quinceanera, and of course the Catholic Writers Conference Online. All fantastic events that frankly, mean more to me than the book, but now they're done and it's time to get back on the log ride and the momentum is lost.

So how do I gain it back?

Reread. Going back will let me re-experience some of the excitement and remind myself where we were going.

Rewrite. Lots of authors do this--go back over the past couple of scenes of chapters and make tweaks or redo a scene. Not only does this get you back into the story, but (especially when you've been away awhile), you have a fresh perspective.

Re-imagine. I've gotten out of Neeta's Lyffe for a couple of weeks. I need to spend some time walking in her shoes, or rubber waders as the case may be, and swinging her chain saw.

Talk about it. Just sharing this with you is making me excited to write again. Time to get back into the log!

Pyrotechnics? Bring it on!

Worldbuilding and the Post-Apocolyptic story

I'm on vacation this week, so here are some thoughts on worldbuilding. BTW, there's still time to sign up for my worldbuilding class: http://www.karinafabian.com/index.php?name=Content&pid=24

Every now and then in a worldbuilding class, or when people talk about their sci-fi, you'll hear a story that postulates a "mad Max" world. There's been a nuclear war (or some environmental catastrophe) and the entire world has degenerated to a pre-industrial state with horribly mutated humans and people again having to relearn technology...

I tend to cringe at these stories from a worldbuilding point of view, because I don't think the logic fits. Yesterday, Rob (my sweet husband) sent me some photos that show exactly why:

Hiroshima 64 years ago, when we dropped the bomb:




Hiroshima today:




Genetic mutations from radiation? Here are two articles from a 3-minute Google search:

More apparent in Chernobyl than Hiroshima (see last couple of paragraphs at http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/medical_notes/461921.stm)

Here's a nice in-depth look at the effects of the bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. What I got from it was that the effect was devastating for those exposed to the radiation of the blast and fallout--including the unborn. However, later generations were not affected.

The human race bounces back--technologically and biologically. "Blast them into the Stone Age" really is just a saying, IMHO.

My point here isn't to dis someone's story--Mad Max can be fun--but if you're writing a post-apocolyptic world that you want people to believe in, you're going to need to do some serious research and some real thinking about what it would take to knock us so low.

Playing catch-up on news

Playing Catch-Up on news

Wow! What an incredible 10 days I've had. Computer and company, party and promotion, and writing and learning! Here's the scoop:

Rob is a Colonel! Rob got promoted to Colonel on Friday Feb 26. The ceremony was wonderful. His mom, my parents, my sister and brother-in-law, Chuck, my Aunt Margo and Uncle Dave attended. We also got a last-minute surprise when his Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary Ann were able to come, too. The kids and I had never met them--very sweet people. His friend Gerald "Crusty" Goodfellow officiated, and told all kinds of funny stories about our family--things he remembered Rob talking about at work years ago. It was a touching counterpoint to my blog about why we took the kids out of school to attend, and just hit home how important family is to my man.

Of course, the most touching part was when his mom pinned on the colonel's rank that had belonged to his father. Felix (now deceased) gave those eagles to Rob on the day of his commissioning, telling him he'd need them one day. More than that, though, he wrote to Rob every day of his Academy years, encouraging and advising. After Rob graduated and got commissioned, he called his father every time he had a problem or question, and even today, when faced with a challenge at work, he wonders, "How would Dad handle this?" Felix died shortly after Rob and I married, but he remains at Rob's side--and now, on his shoulders!

Amber's 15! Amber's quinceanera was a blast. As some of you know, she wanted a Steampunk theme for her party, and wanted everything low key--video games and movies rather than a big fancy dance that is traditional. We're just not a traditional family. Much of my time the week prior to Feb 27 was spent decorating tophats with gears, ribbons and feathers; making Amber's dress (Japanese style with a cumberbund for the steampunk look), and Victorian dress for my mother, sister, and myself. The night before the party, my mother-in-law decided she'd like one, too, so we adapted a prom dress I got at Goodwill for her. (We'd hoped she'd like the idea.) I also made a bustle for myself, which embarrassed Amber so much that I made one for my sister, too. She was Aunt Fanny and I was Momma Fanny. We couldn't get our husbands to entertain her friends by singing, "We like big butts," though. As Chuck put it, "Just who are we embarrassing?"

Most of her friends are not Hispanic or Catholic, and we did not click with the Church crowd this year, so we figured it'd be a small ceremony with family. My father, a deacon, did the blessing; Amber's godmother came and played the keyboard for the opening and closing hymns, and she and her daughter sang a special song for Amber. My mom brought a garden arch which we decorated with lights, flowers and fabric for the blessing area. The dog even attended, sitting by Amber at one point, and greeting the guests.

The big surprise, however, was when most of Amber's friends showed up for the blessing ceremony! We filled our living room to capacity and filled with song. (This is an arts school, so most have had singing classes.) Passing of the Peace took 10 minutes as everyone hugged everyone! Amber was beaming like a new sun. Afterward, we old folk dressed in our costumes (The men had vests) and everyone else donned hats. As the ladies bustled about the kitchen cooking Chinese food, the kids played video games, shared YouTube, and just had a great time. (At one point, the men hid in Rob's study.) Amber's cake was a series of gears that took up half the table. As Amber unwrapped her gifts, squealing over each one, her grandmother remarked on how well her friends knew her.

The next day, her friends told her how awesome her party was. I know she'll remember it for a long time.

The Catholic Writers Conference Online is another huge success! Overall, things ran more smoothly, and when something unexpected happened--like a guest missed a chat--people in the audience jumped in to take their place and share their knowledge. Our presenters were awesome as usual, and I learned some interesting things. The crit groups, a new addition to the conference, proved a hit. We'll do those again next year. Next year, I also plan to extend the conference, but concentrate on chats at the beginning and forums at the end, with two days overlap. That way people can enjoy the chats and still have time to work the forums. There's just not enough time to do both simultaneously.

Next week, I'm going to start a series on lessons learned in the pitch sessions. We'll talk about Do's and Don’ts and what kind of things editors were looking for. Check back each Monday.

With all this, Neeta Lyffe has been getting the short end of the stick. I'm back to writing today. I'm also editing all of my dad's stories--he finished them all here!--and finishing off my own. Watch on Thursdays for that. I hope you all enjoyed Heidi's book tour. The book is amazing and perfect for kids. My goddaughter is reading it on her own and referring to it as well!

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Format Fun

The fun thing about writing a parody of television is that you can play with the different formats the entertainment industry employs. Woven in with "living" scenes of Neeta's experience, I have blogs from her trainees, forums from the fans, even snippets from the radio. Today, however, I'm talking about documentaries.

Advantages: The documentary "The Zombie Syndrome" by Gary Opkast (writer for the reality TV show Zombie Death Extreme) has been a great way to weave in background information without the character Q&A. By scripting video clips with narration and interviews, I'm able to tell the reader about my world without telling them about my world.

Disadvantages: I'm going to need to brush up on my scriptwriting format, then decide how much to adapt it to narrative so I don't lose my reader. Also, I'm not always interested in the actual script as much as a portion--like my interview with Dr. Hansen. I've also got the challenge of making the visuals interesting enough while staying true to the minimalist format.

Here's a little from The Zombie Syndrome, which Gary is writing in the book:

Footage from movie of human ducking the swinging arms of a zombie.

NARRATOR: and the idea that they are slow to react? You can't count on it, as Darwin Award Winner Henry Stephens demonstrated.

ROY STAPLES, DARWIN AWARDS CHAIRMAN in his office. Pan room of different news articles of people dying stupid deaths, focus on "Man, 19, loses game of zombie tag; returns on the other side." As STAPLES speaks, segue over to video footage of 2019 AFEHV Winner.

STAPLES: Stephens and a couple of his frat brothers got drunk and decided it would make a great entry for America's Funniest Exteme Home Videos, the Danger Edition if they filmed a couple of them playing tag with zombies. After eating a garlic-and-anchovie pizza, they donned necklaces made from used sweatsocks they stole from the university football team and headed to the local cemetery, danced on a few graves, and managed to wake the dead in true FRAT fashion.

Stephens' partner in the game, Ed Grisson, developed stomach cramps and bowed out, saving his life. Shortly thereafter, Stephens tagged a zombie on the shoulder and dashed away--but not fast enough. The zombie, former quarterback for COLLEGE, tackled him and bit his neck through the sweatsocks. Stephens lost the game of tag, but he did win the 2019 Darwin Awards for using his stupidity to remove himself from the gene pool.

Review of My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories by Heidi Hess Saxton, illustrations by Natalie Carabetta

There's only one thing I don't like about My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories, compiled by Heidi Hess Saxton and illustrated by Natalie Carabetta:

It came out after my kids were older.

This is a compilation of 175 of the most important stories in the Bible, along with prayers and activities. Granted, there are plenty of Bible Story compilations out there. Several things set this one apart, especially for Catholics:

1. The stories are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Catholic Bible. This means you'll find stories from the Deuterocanonical books, like Sirach.

2. The stories are pulled verbatim from the Bible. While summaries or interpretations are okay for children, it's nice to see a Bible stories book that recognizes that children can understand the actual language of the Bible, and gives them the chance to appreciate the beauty of the language and the details of the story outside of Mass.

3. After each story, you not only find an activity idea but also suggested readings from the Catechism of the Catholic Church that apply to the story. Even better: if the story is one read during Mass, Heidi tells you what Sunday and what other verses are read that day. She also includes traditional Catholic prayers, sometimes with the story and sometimes with their own special page.

I know Heidi personally from our work on Catholic Writers Conferences Online, and have read her book, "Behold Your Mother." She was also editor of Canticle Magazine, a well-respected Catholic Women's online magazine. I know that she not only lives her faith, but thinks about it. She's also a very thorough researcher. I feel confident in the introductions she wrote for each story, as well as the extra facts dotted throughout the book.

The illustrations are marvelous: bright and simple enough to attract toddlers, yet realistic and interesting enough that parents won't feel like they're reading yet another "kiddie book."

Finally, Heidi set this compilation up for study as well as reading: in addition to the other Scripture readings and the Catechism, the prayers, and the suggested activities, it has indexes for topics, readings, and Catechism references. I would have adored this book for homeschooling.

I'll be honest: I didn't read the whole thing. My goddaughter was coming over to visit and I gave it to her. I am also planning on buying another copy for my other goddaughter and a copy for myself (to have for future grandchildren should I be so blessed.) I highly recommend this book for any Catholic parent or godparent of kids 2-10. (After 10, I recommend the Breakthrough Bible for Young Catholics.)



DISCLAIMER: The publisher sent me this book. It was a complete surprise, and as far as I'm concerned, a real blessing. I'm actually getting out of the book reviewing biz', but this one was so lovely and so well done, it deserved a review.

Interview with Heidi Hess Saxton

Heidi’s Bio

Heidi Hess Saxton is an adoptive mother, author of five books, and founder of the “Extraordinary Moms Network,” an online resource for parents of adopted, foster, and special-needs children. Heidi became Catholic in 1994 after thirty years in the Evangelical tradition, and has combined her love of Scripture and Church Tradition in her latest book, My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories (Thomas Nelson).

There are so many Bible Story Books out there--why did you want to compile this book?

Thomas Nelson approached me to do this project because they felt the book in which these gorgeous illustrations originally appeared had run its course, and they rightly believed that the images were too beautiful to keep out of circulation.

I was interested in the project because I saw it as an opportunity to integrate the richness of our faith – how layers of truth may be found in the stories of the Bible, layers that can enrich the souls of entire families. St. Jerome, quoted in Dei Verbum, spoke of the “senses of Scripture” – of all the layers of meaning found in the Bible. I wrote this book to help Catholic and other Christian families go on their own spiritual “treasure hunt.” When pondered through the lens of the Catechism and other writings of the saints, and saturated in prayer and liturgy, the Scriptures really come alive!

I love the links to the Catechism, the Mass, and daily living. How did you come up with the idea to include that?

Mackenzie Howard, the amazing and hardworking editor who approached me to do the project, suggested that we might include sidebars – although she wasn’t familiar with the particular resources available to Catholic Christians, or understand how we use them in understanding Scripture. However, she quickly saw the potential for including them in the book. I’ve also included a number of helpful online resources on a special page on “Extraordinary Moms Network.” Just click on the link on the upper right side on that site, and it will take you right to the page.

What was the easiest part of writing this book?

The easiest part was selecting the stories. I grew up with most of these stories, and was eager to showcase those that are especially meaningful to Catholic sensibilities – images of the sacraments, especially the Eucharist, and the communion of saints. These were old friends, arrayed in light and color and ready to visit!

What was hardest?

Honestly, the hardest part was for poor Mackenzie – after I created the index and table of contents using the special functions of Word, it turned out these functions didn’t translate into Mac for layout. So everything had to be checked and rechecked after the book was poured! (I helped, but I’m afraid she bore the lion’s share of the work on this.)

The other challenge was finding ways to illustrate stories that had not been included in the original book. The original book (compiled by someone who wasn’t Catholic), didn’t include all the stories that would be most important to Catholics, and so we had to “recycle” images from other parts of the book (or stories that were omitted for space). Overall, I think the publisher did a fantastic job!

What's next for you?

That’s hard to say. Our local paper recently asked me to become a contributor to their online paper, which is a great opportunity for me to cultivate a local readership. I’m also in the process of applying for a post-baccalaureate certification program, to become a teacher. This past year I’ve been spending a lot of time at my children’s school, and I’ve realized how much I enjoy interacting with children. This project was a broad “hint,” I think, of what God has in store for me!

My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories gave me an opportunity to reflect on how God led His people along many diverse paths: soldiers and leaders and teachers and parents and writers and musicians and doctors/healers. The lives of the saints also demonstrate that God uses people in all walks of life! I’m hoping that as families read this book together – the younger ones absorbing the stories and characters, the older ones applying the life truths to their own situations – many will take to heart the gentle whispers of the Spirit, and allow God to guide them in every area of their lives.

My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories is available through your local bookstore, Amazon.com and Barnes&Noble.com. Autographed copies are available through my website: http://www.christianword.com. Be sure to check out my online resources for the book at EMN: http://extraordinarymomsnetwork.wordpress.com.

Touring My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories by Heidi Hess Saxton

Like I said when I closed my book blog, Virtual Book Tour de 'Net, I would now and again review or tour a book if it really caught my interest. This is the first time this year.

I received My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories in the mail from Thomas Nelson. It was a complete surprise. My friend and fabulous author, Heidi Hess Saxton, had requested I get a copy. I'm so glad she thought of me! The book is wonderful--a must for Catholic parents of young children. This week, I'm touring Heidi and her book. Today, I'll tell you a little about the book. Tomorrow, Heidi will tell us about writing it. Wednesday, I'll review it. Hope you stick around!

From the Thomas Nelson Website:



My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories is a Catholic family treasure!

With almost 200 stories, this book is an excellent resource for children and families to grow together in their faith and knowledge of Catholic tradition. It uses selections from the actual text of the highly respected and readable New Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, including stories from the Deuterocanonical Books.

Along with stories from actual Bible text, My Big Book of Catholic Bible Stories includes additional elements. Each of these elements will help encourage the child to talk to God, to understand the meaning of new words from the passage, to learn quotes from saints and other important figures, and to go deeper in their faith by cross-referencing the CCC and applying the lesson to their lives. With its thorough teaching of Catholic faith, Bible stories, and classic art, this Bible Storybook will be a welcome addition to Catholic homes, schools, and churches.

Feb Tweet List: Conference Tips

Here are all the conference tips I tweeted in the month of February. Hope they help some of you:

1. Here's an incredibly detailed list of things to do to prepare for a conference or convention: http://stephenslighthouse.sirsidynix.com/archives/2006/05/conference_tips.html
2. Conference tip: Have physical materials to hand out--something with your name, website, book & its order info. Even a business card will do.
3. Conference tip: Memorize 30 second explanations of your books--those to pitch to an editor you meet & those to explain to a potential reader
4. Conference tip: On your nametag, add a book title, motto, even a doodle w/your name. It breaks the ice and provides a conversation starter.
5. Make sure your website, and social network sites are up-to-date. People will check up on your during and after conferences.
6. Swallow your shyness. Talk to folks. Ask them about their works, compliment their costume or something they said in a panel. If you're really shy, enlist the help of an outgoing friend.
7. Take notes on the people you meet: Jot down what you talked about. What are their interests?. Did you promise them something or visa-versa? Get their contact info. I often do this on the back of their business cards.
8. Ask folks about their work. You'll learn a lot and reflect favorably in their eyes. Also, connect people when you can. Talk favorably about other people's works. Building up others builds you up, too.
9. Ask folks what you can do for them. Do you review books? Let others guest blog on your site? If you're writing into he same genre, can you trade promotional materials to take to your own signings?
Here are some more tips on talking to people at conferences: http://entrepreneurs.about.com/b/2009/03/13/top-10-conference-networking-tips.htm
10. Follow-up. After the conference, write to all the people you met--thank them, follow-up on conversations, keep promises and remind them of promises made. Make a note to contact them next year at conference time.
11. Call the organizers ahead of time and offer to be on panels. Send them your qualifications and don't be afraid to offer to jump in if someone has to bow out.
12. Contact the book sellers attending and see if you can bring them some copies of your book to sell on commission at their booth.
13. Contact the local radio and TV stations and see if they might be interested in interviewing you.
14. Contact local bookstores and see if you can arrange a signing during (or just before or after) the conference.
15. Pack a small emergency kit: sewing supplies, Tylenol, tums, tissue... Not only will these come in handy for you, but for others as well. Be the hero!
16. Pack water bottles and light snacks. Easy way to save a few bucks.
17. Find out if there's a hospitality room and make a point to drop by and talk to folks there.
18. Freebie table? Think of others. By this, I mean if you know someone who might be interested in the freebie, snag it for them. You'll promote the author and help a friend.
19. Tweet to Meet! I know people at conventions who tweet their location and a request to meet folks. It's amazing how they hook up with others.
20. Wear comfortable shoes and clothes! Layer. Don't carry a lot of heavy stuff.
21. Heavy freebies or midday shopping spree? Ask at the concierge desk if they will hold your items for you for the day. (I learned this the day AFTER dragging around 40 lbs of books at WFC.)
22. Contact your local indie bookstore. Let them know you're attending the convention and see if they're interested in you taking anything or bringing them back anything.
23. Eat in the convention cafeteria at least once during high-traffic hours. Sit by someone you don't know if they seem amenable.
24. Someone you want to meet at the convention? Do some research on them so you can talk intelligently. This is especially true with agents and publishers.
25. Coffee is casual. Lunch is a commitment. If you want to keep a conversation going, invite the person to get a coffee or soda rather than join you for a full meal.
26. Let your social networks know ahead of time that you're going. See who else is. Get their contact info (cell phone number) or arrange a place to meet. Then you can start off with buddies!
27. Get out of the convention center! Enjoy the area! Check out other writing contacts. For example, I got to visit Ignatius Press and have dinner with a Tim Powers and his fans the day before WFC.
28. Set some goals for the convention. Know what you want to get out of it: Who do you want to meet? What do you want to learn? How do you hope to make this convention worth the money and time?

Why My Children Will Attend Their Father's Promotion Ceremony

As most of you know, Rob gets promoted to colonel today. It has to be a duty day, and the only time we could schedule it was in the morning, so we're taking the kids out of school to attend.

Amber has had enough illness this year that her absences have tripped the school radar. The Vice Principal voiced concern that she would skip school for the ceremony. "You're not getting promoted, are you?" she asked Amber.

We live in a non-military area, and I guess many people here don't understand what getting promoted to colonel means to a family. I've been racking my brains this week to come up with a civilian equivalent. Making vice president of a company? Being sworn in as a senator or judge? Frankly, these are fabulous accomplishments and earned through hard work, but they aren't comparable in terms of scope of responsibility and impact on the family.

In his career, Rob has led hundreds of people--from the 17-year-old airman just out of training to the crusty master sergeant who had seen it all. He has been responsible for equipment worth millions of dollars. He has been in charge of the maintenance of a nuclear arsenal. He has written national policy that affects not only the Air Force, but the State Department and other national government agencies. Yet there were merely steps toward becoming a colonel. As a colonel, the Air Force is saying, "We trust you to do more."

The Air Force is also saying, "We expect you to give with more." He no longer has a say in his assignments; he will go where needed and when. The "three-year tour" was never a guarantee, but now, one year assignments are not outside the norm. Neither can he request his location. The Air Force can put him in charge of something he's never done before, and expects him to get up to speed and lead in days--maybe even fix a problem in a unit or procedure while he's at it. If someone under his command screws up, he can and quite possibly will take the fall. We've seen it happen to some very good commanders.

This is indeed the culmination of a career. Yet, unlike someone making vice president of a corporation, or superintendent of a school system, or judge, making colonel means more change, more uncertainly, more sacrifice. It is a new beginning.

It also demands more of his family.

This is an achievement for our children, too. Like many children of successful parents, they have had Dad miss events, not seen him for weeks or months at a time when he's on assignment, or had days where he's worked so long, they've only seen him for good-night kisses. Unlike most kids in the civilian world, they are asked to sacrifice personally. The two oldest have lived in two countries and six states. They change schools and leave friends every couple of years. They face uncertainty on a regular basis, wondering if Dad will be deployed or where our next move will be. And by standing with their father as he pins on colonel, they are agreeing to support him in this new phase of his career, and to pick up and start over where and when the Air Force sees fit, even if it means attending four high schools.

There is no way Rob would have come this far--or would accept this promotion and the responsibility it brings--without the consent and support of his children. In fact, we have known other officers who turned down promotion because they no longer wanted to put their family through the moves and demands of a colonel's life.

So, no, my children are not getting promoted. However, this promotion is theirs, too.

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Format Fun

One fun part of writing a novel is experimenting. In Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, I've had a lot of fun playing with formats aside from the standard narrative. Today, I'm going to cover the radio show.

Neeta and the Zombie Death Extreme contestants get interviewed on K-RTH, one of Los Angeles' radio stations, and the DJ will become Neeta's love interest for the book. I thought it'd be fun to actually have the show playing rather than always experience it in narrative from Neeta's point of view.

Advantages: Once again, it's shorter, and I don't need to worry about peripheral information like where people are sitting, what the station looks like, etc. Since I'm trying to keep this fast moving and funny, that helps keep my pace.

Disadvantages: Radio is about voices, so I have to make sure my cues for who is talking, when someone is joking vs. being serious, etc. are all done without visual cues, but I don't want to make it sound like a script. Also, radio employs a lot of sound clips--bits of music, taped sound bites, etc. that I need to weave in without confusing the reader.

This is from Brian and Cassie in the morning interviewing Neeta. Brian is more the straight man; Cassie is happy-go-lucky. See if you can tell them apart, and tell who Neeta is as well.

"That's great! We have just a minute before weather and traffic, and we'll get you that website. First, though... I don't want to be a downer, but I've got to ask you. You've had a lousy run of luck lately, Neeta: your mother died, you got sued, now this thing with Jorgenson--"

"--oh, yeah, poor Jorgie! He was such a hottie, too--"

"--so why do you do it? What makes you want to keep fighting zombies day after day."
"... I... Well, someone has to do it. People will die otherwise. Die and come back. I know what I'm doing, and frankly, I'm good at it. I don't think I could live with myself if I didn't do what I could."

"Wow. That's so... wow."

"Yeah. You're amazing, Neeta. I mean that. I'm glad you're out there protecting us.
"We'll be back to talk more with Neeta and her trainees after our K-Earth's own Roger Tellerman gives us the low-down on the low front coming our way. Roger, give us some cool news."

Playing catch-up on news

Catholic Writers Conference is coming up Feb 26. I'm very excited for it, and also glad to get past all the preparation and into the fun!

Rob gets promoted to Colonel Feb 26. THAT will be a big event. He had three goals for his Air Force career: Get a command, influence national policy, make Colonel. On Feb 26, he will have accomplished all three! What's next? New goals, though perhaps with less pressure. In three years, he can get retire as a Colonel, which means that he can stay in until he gets bored. I did tell him that if he makes general, then after that I get to decide when we retire!

Amber turns 15 on Feb 22. Her quinceanera is Feb 27. It's going to be relatively small. My dad (a deacon) is doing the blessing at our house, and she's having a regular birthday party rather than a big dance. So we'll have folks dressed in steampunk playing video games, watching Dr. Who and whacking the pinata. My Puerto Rican relatives are a bit baffled, but it's what she wants, and I'm all for it!

Dad and I are still working on our book. The title is decided: Why God Matters: How to Find Him in Daily Life. I think I'd like to change it to Why God Matters: And How to Find Him in Daily Life. We'll see. I have most of my chapters written and am working with Dad on his.

Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator is going strong. It's slowed a bit thanks to the other book contract and the CWCO, but I'm still writing some each day I can--about 3000 words a week until CWCO.

I'm still teaching my marketing classes and writing my marketing newsletter. Next class is Marketing Basics. Learn to make a marketing plan! It's 6 weeks, but independent study, so go as fast or slow as you like. Get details here. I've also put up a sample of my marketing newsletter on my website. If you like it, subscribe for the year!

Did I ever mention to all of you that we started a new housekeeping routine? We're following The Fly Lady. Sort of. I don't wear shoes and I don't make control journals, but I do wipe my sinks every day, do daily laundry and 15-minute declutter, plus the "Kelly's Missions," which are deep cleaning. The kids now have two chores for about 20 min a day. I'm shocked how well we're keeping the house clean. This month, Alex and Amber decided to declutter their rooms. Amber got rid of about 10 percent of her stuff and straightened up the rest. Alex will get rid of about 50 percent of his toys. Can't do yard sales here, so it all goes to Goodwill.

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Format Fun

For Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, I'm playing with different venues for imparting information. Since the whole thing revolves around a reality TV show, I'm mimicking real life reality TV (Is that redundant?) by including some of the things they have--from candid interviews to commercials. Today, I'm going to share with you my experience writing a forum.

I used the forum format in order to foster a discussion about Neeta's financial problem and how it's affecting others' views of her and the show. I chose this way because I didn't have to give a lot of explanation, I could bring in a few opinions without introducing more main characters, and I could foreshadow a swell of support that will help her solve her problem in the end.

Advantages: It's fast and pithy, gives me the ability to bring in many sides to an argument, introduce some tangents in a place where readers expect tangents, and gives me a chance to parody current society.

Disadvantages: It's tough to format. I may have to work with the publisher on actually making it look like a forum, though I think that would be fun. Also, I didn't want to list all the entries, so had to create the equivalent of "..." Coming up with usernames was actually hard, too. However, I put out a call on Facebook and got all kinds of great ideas.

Here's a little bit of the forum dialogue:

BrainDeadHead:
500,000 dollars?! He sued her for FIVE-FREAKING-HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?!?!?!?!?! For a little yardwork, a retractable awning and some paint?!

LOL on the GPC Redundancy, by the way. Government never should have bought out that computer company. Did you know the guy used the profits to make his own orbiting hotel? I want a reality TV show on that!

Trolll:
Its not just the damage, stupid. He was having a party for his cliants. She tramatized them and now he's loosing business. Its obvious none of you have any idea how the real world works, so go bak to waching your stupid tv.

I wuldn't feel to sorry for Neeta, either. Shes probably raking in the dow on this show. Wonder if she gets jorgies cut?

Spla77r64:
Sorry, got to chime in with Trolll here. I caught parts of the trial on TV. He did show that he lost a significant number of clients after the incident. Loss of clients=loss of income. I know she was doing her job the best she could, but she should have had more help, contained them faster, something. It was a botched job.

MANIC_MIND:
Seems to me he's losing clients (not loosing, btw) because they're questioning the judgment of a man who would serve pickled beets and blue cheese dressing at an outdoor party on a hot summer's day when he lives so close to a cemetery. Not to mention the fact that he actually thought his electric fence would keep them out. Frankly, he's lucky they hadn't invaded his home earlier, like at night when his family was sleeping. Besides, don't you think the zombie invasion was traumatizing enough? It would certainly turn me away!

Spla77r, it's easy to armchair-quarterback. If you followed the trial, you'd know she was the first to answer the 9-1-1 call, which didn't come until after they crossed his fence, even though people saw them approaching beforehand. By the time support arrived, she had taken them on, single-handedly.
Like someone said, hard core.

Pandarus' Valentine's Day Massacre

Pandarus' Valentine's Day Massacre
By Karina L. Fabian
For the Los Lagos Gazette


Los Lagos, CO--Thoughts of romance turned to terror Saturday as what shoppers thought was a store display cupid came to life and started shooting at the mall patrons. Pandarus, a Faerie cupid, was subdued by mall security personnel and has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, disturbing the peace, and distribution of a magically psychoactive substance.

Pandarus had apparently been hanging around the display window of Victoria's Secret at the Los Lagos Mall, unnoticed by the staff or patrons eager to shop for an extra surprise for their holiday celebrations. "I thought he was just part of the One Hour-My Spicy Valentine sale display," said assistant manager Dana Kline, as she rubbed her arm where one of the heart-shaped arrowheads struck her and leaned against her husband Jed Kline, an employee of Pretzelmakers across the hall.

At 6:45, as the store swelled with anxious shoppers flipping through lacy underthings and squabbling over the last Size 14 babydoll nightie, Pandarus is said to have positioned his bow, shouted, "Let Love In!" and pelted patrons with arrows.

The screams and subsequent stampede alerted Roy Alberts, mall guard and his partner Katie Robbins. They subdued Pandarus after a brief altercation.

"Roy caught him. He was so brave!" Robbins said, with a heavy sigh. Alberts, blushing, insisted he could not have snagged the cupid by his ankles if Robbins hadn't distracted the archer at just the right moment.

"And she took a shot. For me! We're such a great team," he said.

Although at least ten patrons--including Robbins and Alberts--claimed to have been hit by cupid's arrows, none needed medical attention, and in fact refused medical care in order to return home to their spouses, or left with another patron, lacy underthings forgotten.

"I have done a good thing here!" Pandarus is said to have shouted as he was carried off. "You will thank me! I have brought you a happy Valentine's Day!"

Pandarus was on his way back to Faerie Greece after a being filming a commercial for the Venus and Eros online dating service. He is being held without bail.

***

POLICE BLOTTER: Jed Kline, 25, and Dana Kline, 24, were arrested and charged with indecent exposure at Victoria's Secret changing room. Mrs. Kline was found under the influence of a cupid's arrow and declared not guilty, but Mr. Kline, who was not struck, was fined $150 dollars.

ENGAGEMENTS:
Robbins and Alberts: Katheryn (Katie) Marie Robbins and Roy Manuel Alberts announce their engagement and summer 2010 wedding plans. Robins is the daughter of Rae and George Robbins of Raleigh, NC.

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Format Fun

Normally, I tend to write in the 100,000-word range, but I want Neeta Lyffe to be shorter and punchier, so I'm playing with ways to impart information that are quick and fun. Since I'm parodying reality TV, I'm adding in a lot of different communication tools: video blogs, documentaries, and forums. Over the next couple of entries, I'll share what I've learned about each. Today, we'll start with video blogs.

Like a diary entry, a video blog can give quick insights into someone's thoughts. However, since the characters are blogging for reality TV, they can also snipe, complain and backstab at a distance without having to deal with the immediate reactions of others.

Advantages: I can focus on the person without worrying about the group.

Disadvantages: Introducing that this is a video blog gets monotonous. There are only so many ways to say it.

Here's a clip from Roscoe, one of the contestants on Zombie Death Extreme:

Back in his trailer, Roscoe leaned back in his computer chair and turned on the webcam. After checking his hair in the image projected on his screen and mashing his lips to give them more color, he set it to record. "Okay, so LaCenta said it first, and she was a totally out of line for saying it when she did, but honestly..."

He leaned in close, sharing a secret. "...we were all thinking it."

He checked the file, saved it and uploaded it to his Zombie Death Extreme blog.

"And then there were five!" He wove his fingers together and moved into a yoga stretch.

Oh, gawd, was there any high better than surviving another episode?

An Unexpected Blessing and a (Nonfiction) Book Contract!

I had an unexpected blessing happen this weekend.

I was looking at my Yahoo groups and came across the post: Looking for a Catholic Writer. I figured if I couldn't help, someone in CWG could, so I replied. It turned out the publisher, Tribute Books, needed an author to write a quick little book about living the Catholic life. They had a book lined up and the author pulled out at the last minute.

I looked over the old manuscript and asked a few questions. The format is straightforward, and along the lines of things I'd done before, though not quite in this way. It was something I knew I could do, but I wasn't sure I should. I was also concerned that this was written by a man and as such, had a distinctly male point of view that I could not mimic.

Sunday, I was mulling about it during Mass, and in the homily, Fr. Joe talked about loving our parents and it hit me--I have a deacon father! Even more, I have a deacon father who adores writing homilies and sharing them with his writer daughter.

I IM'd my dad after church and proposed we do the project together. He's very excited about the prospect of working with his daughter--and I'm glad to be able to share this common interest with him.

The book is tentatively called Why God Matters, but the publisher is thinking of changing the title and I'm drawn toward "His Breath in Mine" from St. Patrick. If we can get it done in time, it will be out May 2010 from Tribute Books. We've got to work fast, but I already have two stories written, and know what I want to do for the others. My dad is brainstroming his right now, but he's also got nearly a decade of homilies to draw from. We're aiming for a mid-March completion date.

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: Origins

Since my computer snafu and subsequent loss of Gapman and Discovery, I decided to forge ahead with a novel I started on New Year's Day: Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

I have to credit this novel with The Writers' Chat Room, www.writerschatroom.com. A bunch of writers of all experience levels, genres and interests meet in the chat room on Wednesday evenings to talk writing, answer questions, share news, victories and rejections, and get silly. Get very silly very often.

During one of these silly episodes, we somehow got the topic of zombies and cookbooks merged. On that day, publisher Kim Richards came up with the idea of an anthology The Zombie Cookbook. She asked us to contribute stories and I came up with "Wokking Dead," where zombie exterminator Neeta Lyffe deals with a zombie invasion of a Korean restaurant. It was silly fun, full of jokes and political satire and something I figured I'd never revisit again.

Then in a chat in December, Kim mentioned that someone asked her if they'd ever see a novel with Neeta Lyffe. In that chat we also started talking about reality TV, and someone shared what he thought was the greatest first line of a novel he'd read: They ate Jorgenson first. Those two ideas got my imagination going, and on the drive to whale watching on New Year's Day, I decided to play with the idea of Neeta training up new exterminators in a reality TV show in 2037.

It's turned out to be such fun, and Kim did ask, so I'm setting aside the others to finish this one. I'm averaging 1000 words a day, 4-5 days a week, so if I can keep the momentum, I'll finish in March. Then I'll try to rediscover Discovery and begin anew with Gapman.

So join me in my novel's journey with Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

Here're a few lines from the opening scene:

They ate Jorgenson.

Dammit! Neeta thought. I was still training him.

The zombies were gnawing on his leg, his fine, tanned leg, while he screamed and blubbered and somehow still managed to make his surfer-blond hair flow effortlessly.

Not that anyone noticed. The zombies, contained unfed for the past week in the abandoned brewery, had more interest in his meat than his pelt. There were only eight, but was too many for a bunch of unwashed trainees, particularly with the idiot film crew hounding them and getting in the way. Around her, seven panicky apprentices screamed and flailed with their tools, forgetting everything she'd taught them over the past six weeks, while through their headpieces Dave shouted directions that had more to do with good drama than good tactics. One cameraman continued to film while another had abandoned his camera and had fallen to his knees vomiting.

Grunting, screaming, someone calling for her mother...

Wait, that was Neeta. And she wasn't calling; she was apologizing. She just knew Mom was spinning in her grave.

31 Days of Resolutions, Goals, and Organizing Posts

Each month, I try to make a post a day on Twitter about some interesting topic. I decided to then post them here for those who may have missed a day.

1. Did you make New Year’s Resolutions? Here’s mine: http://www.fabianspace.blogspot.com
2. 8 tips for making resolutions that stick: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2002/making-new-years-resolutions-that-last/
3. How to make resolutions that matter: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/79/mgoldsmith.html
4. Just to tie in with yesterday’s post on resolutions that matter… http://site.despair.com/images/dpage/priorities03.jpg
5. My own way to make goals: spend 15 min deciding my old year’s regrets, 15 on old year’s successes, and find goals to address them both.
6. Resolutions are not goals-Resolutions are general; goals specific. Learn more: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/79/mgoldsmith.html
7. Here’s more on the SMART concept of goal-setting: http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/smart-goals.html
8. Still need help goal setting? Here’s a tutorial! http://www.about-goal-setting.com/
9. Here’s a whole website dedicated to goal-setting tips: http://www.success77.com/
10. For the graphics-minded, here’s a goal-setting chart. http://www.blog.iqmatrix.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/goal-setting-process.jpg (Scares me!)
11. Is one of your resolutions this year to keep a cleaner house? Cut clutter? FLY lady takes you baby step by baby step. I’m going to try her this year. http://flylady.com/
12. Authors: Is one of your goals to market your books better? 30-Minute Marketer is a weekly newsletter of marketing tasks (not just tips). I tell you what to do, how and when. http://www.karinafabian.com/index.php?name=Content&pid=24
13. Once you have big goals, break them into smaller goals: http://eliteteam300.com/?p=80
14. Step-by-step in the planning process: http://aggie-horticulture.tamu.edu/GREENHOUSE/nursery/guides/econ/chgoals.html
15. How to build a smarter to-do list: http://www.43folders.com/2005/09/12/building-a-smarter-to-do-list-part-i
16. Need your to-do lists online? Here’s an assessment of 25 services (including free ones) http://www.solutionwatch.com/450/25-to-do-lists-to-stay-productive/
17. Rob showed me iGoogle’s homepage maker. I love the aps--calendar, a to-do list, a sticky note, and gmail instead of news and force-fed entertainment. http://www.google.com/ig
18. Authors: Having trouble knowing what to do for marketing? 30-Minute Marketer schedules tasks for you. http://www.karinafabian.com/index.php?name=Content&pid=24
19. Is your goal to organize your home? Cut clutter first! Here’s FLY Lady’s advice: http://flylady.com/pages/FLYingLessons_Decluttertips.asp
20. Here’s a whole website for cutting clutter: http://organizedhome.com/articles/cut-clutter
21. My own cut-clutter ideas: Keep 4, toss 1. When we do it quarterly, esp. with the kids’ toys, it helps a lot!
22. Cool website for organizing in the workplace: http://managementhelp.org/orgnzing/orgnzing.htm
23. Cut the clutter in your writing: http://grammar.about.com/od/words/tp/clutter_tips.htm
24. Computer cluttered with programs and other junk? Get the decrapifier: http://www.pcdecrapifier.com/ (Rob uses it on any new computer we get)
25. On Facebook? Here are some ways to cut clutter and increase effectiveness: http://www.mba4success.com/pages/opinion/opinion_content.php?ID=1851&post_title=WCW/Management/Social-Networking/Special-Report:-Effective-Steps-To-Maximise-Facebook
26. Some good ideas for organizing yourself and your time. (Warning—site has a lot of ads) http://www.askmen.com/money/how_to/27_how_to.html
27. Good organizing tips: http://www.successfulacademic.com/success_tips/Manage_time_organize.htm (My fave: tackle worst first, tho I tackle most important first)
28. Writers: Here’s an article about managing your writing time. http://www.writing-world.com/life/organize.shtml
29. Writers: Here’s one on organizing your writing space: http://www.literary-liaisons.com/article048.html
30. Authors: Don’t have your marketing tasks organized? For $12/year, I do it for you: http://www.karinafabian.com/index.php?name=Content&pid=24

Closing Virtual Book Tour de Net

Many of you know that I have had a regular blog, Virtual Book Tour de 'Net, where I posted information about people's books, interviews with the authors and the occasional review. I started it a couple of yeras ago after the first MuseOnline conference. My original idea what I post about a book, and the author in turn would post about one of the books on the blog or about one of mine. However, very few people followed-up on that, and I quickly gave it up as a bad idea and started posting as a service to others.

Over the past two years, however, I've found that not only has my blog not garnered a lot of attention, but so many others are doing what I'm doing--and more effectively--that authors aren't getting much from it, so it's not worth the time I spend. In the meantime, two of my kids have entered high school and need more of my attention again. Time to re-prioritize my time.

As a result, I've closed that blog as of yesterday. I really enjoyed doing it, and learning about others' books, but it's time to move on.

I may at times review a book on this website, but it'll be ones I've chosen to read just because rather than by request.

W000t! Magic, Mensa and Mayhem Places 4th!

Magic, Mensa and Mayhem, the first DragonEye, PI novel, placed 4th in the Preditor and Editor Polls for best sci-fi/fantasy novel. W00t! Thanks, everyone!

Surely you know about DragonEye, PI, but if not, learn more here. Be sure to register before Valentines' Day--I have a present for DragonEye fans!