King Kluck and Questinos

The Saga of King Kluck is now on video! Ever thought of mummifying a chicken? Great educational project? Along with all the needed materials, get yourself a clothespin for your nose. Learn more here, and feel free to laugh as you do. I did.

This was a homeschooling project my younger sons and I did a couple of years ago. it was actually kind of fun, and the laugh value was priceless. I've blogged about it before and wrote an article about it for Home Education Magazine. Use the search function to look up the blogs.

Now a new word for authors:

Questinos: What you get when you break a query down to its base elements.

Have a great, laugh-filled week.

A Great Day for Writing and Mothering

Ever have one of those days where everything looks up? I had one of those rare days today.

On the writing front, the Catholic Writers' Guild is starting 30K for Christ month. It's our answer to NaNoWriMo, but instead of concentrating on a new novel, you write 30,000 words toward any project or projects. You also remember to pray before you do. My project is my Miscria Trilogy, which after 20+ years is still unfinished, even though I'm shopping the first two books around. I'd decided to change the ending of the first book, making it less of a cliff hanger and thought that would mean a significant re-write of the second.

Today, though as I read the two final chapters I cut from Book 1 and the first three chapters of Book 2, I think I may not need those scenes after all. I thought I'd be disappointed--they are great chapters, very exciting--but instead I'm pretty pleased that I wrote the second book well enough that I can start with the action I did.
At noon today, I had my first TV interview. It was just a five-minute spot on the local noon show, but it was a lot of fun. I talked about Infinite Space, Infinite God, writing with Rob and was able to plug my book signing on the 10th. The only sad part is that they didn't record it, so I can't see how I came off. Probably better that way: I can't kick myself for what I said or how I think I looked. I was invited back, and that's the important thing. Later that day, traipsing the halls of my sons' school, I was asked by another mom, "Were you on TV? We always watch the noon show at the hospital!" Someone saw me at any rate!

After the show I came home to a reminder to call a Catholic bookstore. It's one of many on my list, but I hadn't been able to get a hold of the manager after three tries. Four was a charm this time; not only was he there, he ordered a couple of copies of Infinite Space, Infinite God! WOOO!

I had a great parenting day, too. Parent teacher conferences for my second and third grader were today. I got to listen to 20 minutes of how smart my kids are, how kind they are with others and how well they've adapted to a school routine after years of homeschooling. Both teachers also told me my boys use sophisticated phrases, ask questions and bring in a new perspective; I credit homeschooling with that. I left secure in our choice and proud to be their mom.

The only thing to make this day perfect would be a book contract. More on that another day!

Homeschool Drop Outs!

We're homeschool drop-outs!

Some of you may already know that next year, we're putting the kids in "regular" school--on-base elementary for the littles and Catholic for the older two. We feel the kids need the experience and I can use the break.

Drop out #2 happened yesterday. It started with a last week's temper tantrums by our youngest (we suspect a food allergy) and ended with a failed Latin test. It was only Monday and I was already exhausted and hating the thought of going downstairs to the classroom. I found myself thinking, "Who cares about Latin, anyway?!" We'd spent five years in Virginia and had hardly seen anything aside from Kings Dominion--and that's an amusement park!

Even more, I thought about how we'd be ending our school experience: Mom stressed out and yelling about proper semicolon usage, kids thinking they're stupid or lazy because they didn't get a good grade on a test, and an incredible opportunity--living in the center of early American History--unexplored.

And, I thought, the kids actually enjoyed our impromptu short hike along the Fredericksburg battlefield, and we got a new truck with GPS navigation. I didn't have to fear getting lost on the roads; "Tecca" (we named the truck, yes) would tell us where to go.

I pulled the kids into the study and lined them up against the wall. I told them how I hated the way things were going and how I really wanted to have some fun and learn about some new stuff. They agreed they, too, were tired of books and papers and tests. So I gave them the proposition: we'd keep reading Bible, mythology, and history. Liam would continue with reading. Alex and Liam would have flash cards for math facts. Otherwise, we'd learn about something in the area one day, go see it the next and tell Dad about it when we got home. Each child has an assignment--the younger had to give some facts and the older have to give a report (oral or written). But otherwise, the curriculum, the textbooks and the assignments all go out the window.

Given the choice between braving a potentially dull museum and doing a potentially dull worksheet badly (and facing the Wrath of Mom), they chose museums.

We came up with a contract specifying behaviors and penalties as well as perks. Each child read it and agreed to it. I carry a copy with us for reference. (I have to--my memory is that bad!) Today was our first day out: a fact-finding tour. We went to the visitor's center, saw the video on Fredericksburg, got flyers on the attractions and took a carriage tour. Afterward, we explored some shops, had fudge and still made it to religious ed with time to spare. At home, the younger boys told Dad five facts and Amber and Steven gave 3-5 minute oral presentations. Overall, a successful first day.

So we're not only going to stop homeschooling next year, we're pretty much dropped out of homeschooling this year. I'm cringing when I see the unfinished textbooks, but when I think about the kids comparing the prices of antiques, talking about Hugh Mercer and his healing leeches or giving their dad a concise history of Fredericksburg based on a video and a carriage tour, I'm glad we decided to end on a happy note.

Purgatory: A Homeschooling Mom's View

Last night, Steven and I experienced an interesting analogy for Purgatory. This year for homeschool, I'm making Steven and Amber do history on their own. Rather than take tests, they fill out the test sheets using the book, but they have to keep at it until they get an A. I've been working for years on giving them the skills to do this and do it well. Steven, however, is a lazy writer and does not pay attention to his work or the many helpful, repetitive comments I put on his papers. After 3 weeks of turning in some truly lousy work, I'd had it and told him we were staying up until he got every essay correct. We're talking about 6 chapter tests at a 7th grade level.

We were up until 1:30. He'd type something, I'd grade it, make comments, and send it back. He'd follow some comments, forget others. I'd point things out and send it back. Finally, when he was
really close, I'd sit with him, discuss the full "perfect" answers and give him his A. Oh, and believe me, it was painful for the both of us.

Back and forth, back and forth with admonitions and advice: Isn't that just like what God does with us in life? He gave us the laws and the prophets to tell us what to do; we ignore it. He gives us examples through Jesus and the saints; we can't figure out how to apply their example to our lives. He gives us grace; we mess up anyway. We put forth real effort, but still don't get it right. (Hey, we're only human, right?) Purgatory is that final effort by God to make us perfect in His sight so that we can behold the Perfection of Him.

I not only believe in Purgatory, but it comforts me a great deal. Jesus saved me from my sins, but (and I'm really sorry about this) He did not make me perfect as a result. God made us in His image, and made us the defining point between the material and the angelic. That means we have the potential to be sinless, but the weakness to be sinners. Toss in free will, since Jesus' saving us does not mean we become Christian automatons. The result: try as we might, we sin.

Last night, I yelled at my kids, mainly because I was so mad! If I'd had an aneurism and fallen over dead with "WHY CAN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME, EVER?!?!?" on my lips, I would not have been in a perfect state. Nothing imperfect can be in heaven. That is in Scripture.

But I died in love with Christ--just not expressing it well at that moment. Should I go to Hell? Can I throw away Christ's sacrifice and a lifetime of belief just because I lost my temper? Thankfully, God says, "No," and gives me the way to achieve perfection.

Thank you, God, for caring enough to help me do my best, to be patient when I fail, and to give me that one final chance to become perfect in your sight.

Here are a couple of websites for those who want more information.

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/12575a.htm

http://www.catholic.com/thisrock/2004/0411fea3.asp

http://www.ewtn.com/library/ANSWERS/HOW2PURG.HTM

Chicken ala King, Egyptian Style

The saga ends. Today, we entombed King Kluck.

According to our book, the mummification process takes about 40 days. In the dry Egyptian heat, perhaps. In double baggies in a cool garage in Northern Virginia, the process is slightly longer...if by "slightly" you mean months.

And, got to admit, the salt hasn't been changed in a month. After awhile, the project just sort of lost its charm...

This week, we learned about King Tut, and I decided it was the perfect time to put an end to the Kluck who would be King. The boys were enthusiastic--"Yay! We're getting rid of King Kluck."

Then I told them they had to participate. "Oh, it doesn't smell so bad," I cajoled, but they weren't buying it.

Again, Mom handled the gross stuff, so while they prepared the sarcophagus and took photos, I pulled the fearsome fowl out of its bags and wiped off the salts. The smell had gone into stealth mode, lulling us into a false sense of security ("Hey! It really doesn't smell so bad!") then leaping out to attack our noses like a crazed cobra. Nonetheless, we soon had him wrapped in linen with the following trinkets tucked inside:

--a safety pin for, well, safety
--a coin and jewels for wealth
--a match and candle for light and warmth
--sea shells for the ocean it probably never saw
--a Chuck E Cheese ticket for fun

Next we wrapped him in foil to represent a golden tomb. He looked like a football and the next few minutes were spent trying to keep my merry mummy-makers from chucking the cluck around the room. Of course, Alex still wanted nothing to do with the odoriferous object, which meant Liam was only to glad to shove it under his nose. (Something I never thought I'd have to say: "Quite teasing your brother with the mummified chicken!") Nonetheless, we got him safely in his box, which only yesterday brought us a Neopet from E-bay.

"Hey, Mom. Can we sell him on E-bay?" Liam, my 6-year old entrepreneur, asked.

I started to protest, then thought about the Virgin Mary cheese sandwich and the Jesus potato. At least we wouldn't be saying ours was divine. (In fact, I can't think of anything less divine.)

So I told the kids if Dad will make an account, we can stick King Kluck on it.

Maybe I should go back and see if I can mold its corrupted flesh into a likeness of Elvis.

Addendum: Rob says E-Bay is no long accepting decaying-food-related items. Maybe they caught a scent of what was coming!



Liam, don't tease your brother with the mummified chicken!

New Year's Resolutions

(Taking a break from the Virtual Book Tour Primer to talk resolutions. More on virtual book tours Tuesday.)

One thing I've learned about resolutions is they don't work unless you have some concrete goals and plans. The more you know and commit to the steps of achieving your goal, the more likely you'll accomplish it.
However, 2007 looks like it'll be a year of change for us. Rob is up for command, so we'll be moving in the late summer/early fall. Infinite Space, Infinite God comes out in print around that time, too (although Lida is planning an early print run--yay!) We're also thinking about letting the kids try a year of public school. We feel they could use the experience and Mom can use the rest. The Miscria Trilogy has been at my dream publisher for 2 years now, but despite frequent calls to their wonderful editor, I still don't have their decision. In the meantime, a friend is working on a packaging deal with another publisher and may include another book of mine. Plus, Rob will be at a joint officers training school--now that he's had 2 years in the job, it's time to get him the training, after all--and will be gone during the time we need to get the house ready for sale. Thus, so much of this year is unknown or dependent on others, that it's hard to set concrete goals.
Nonetheless, here are my resolutions:

WRITING
1. Get a publisher and/or agent for the Miscria.
--Research and query agents and publishers until mid-Feb; send out queries every 6 weeks after that.
--Start with major traditional publishers and move to smaller presses.
2. Write 100,000 words of novel
--Write at least one paragraph a night until school ends; then up the word count.
--Finish Discovery.
--Write one or more of the following: Miscria III; Dragon Eye, PI: Magic, Mensa and Mayhem; Dragon Eye, PI: Migrants, Magic and Murder; or a time travel/romance I've had in mind. I may do the last for NaNoWriMo, but if I feel the call to finish one of the others, I may go for the NaNo goals without actually entering the competition.
3. Personally sell 100 copies of Infinite Space, Infinite God; have 500 sold via Twilight Times Books
--Virtual Book Tour in August
--Hold at least 4 early book signings in VA area
--Hold another 3 in new area
--Contact 3 or 4 Catholic universities about getting on their read lists for courses
--Do some form of PR every day--media release, contacting a potential customer, calling a book store, updating the website…
4. Write 4 more stories; send out a story a month of old or new; never let a story sit at home for more than a week.
5. Keep up with obligations: blog, Montana Catholic, Hereditas, MuseOnline Conference (October); Catholic Writers' Guild.
6. RESIST the temptation to do more until June or September, when I have time; then, keep it in perspective with the above goals!

HOMESCHOOLING
1. Have a more traditional school routine to prep kids for "real school."
2. Grade papers each night.
3. Make older kids do homework while I write--write in the same room with them.

SELL HOUSE
1. Cull everything--get rid of 25 percent of our stuff.
--Each day, tackle one drawer or closet.
2. Pack out about another 10-25 percent.
3. Hire someone to do minor repairs.
3. Mulch yard.
4. House goes on market in mid-March. Anybody moving to Northern VA?

Latest Peep on King Kluck

The saga continues...

Yep, we are continuing our chicken mummification project. Almost three weeks and four salt changes later, the...educational...aroma of our fetid fowl has abated somewhat. Now it's more prone to surprise attacks on the senses. Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the bag...

The neighborhood kids know the King Kluck theme song. The favorite verse seems to be "Smells just like a diaper/makes the dog go hyper/King Kluck!" It's made for a few trying moments around the dinner table.

I heard from a homeschooling family in Australia who tried to mummify a duck. It was an impromptu decision, apparently: the duck attacked Dad, who blasted it with his shotgun. (Classic self defense. Can't be too careful with a murderous out-of-control duck.) her boys didn't want to pluck it, so they decided to "mummify" it by leaving it outside. Once it was--what? hard and dry?--they planned to make it into a hat. A Father's day gift, I'm sure. Apprarently a fox, no doubt interested in furthering its education, absconded with it. Sounds like a happy ending for fox, Dad and Mom to me.

Remember how the Pharaohs had slaves buried with them? We almost had chicken minions for King Kluck. In a laudable fit of domesticity, I decided to cook three dinners at once: chili, curry beef and crock-pot chicken. In a shameful episode of domestic apathy, I neglected to put the chicken in the refrigerator. The next morning it was pink. Yes, Pink! I was tempted to wrap them in linen and put them next to King Kluck. At least they didn't smell.

Thus the Saga of the Kluck King continues. We're pretty certain we can hang to the end--but I'm considering buying a solid air freshener to shove up his cavity.

Wonder if Anubis would weigh that instead of his heart?

King Kluck Filk

Changed out the salts on King Kluck today. The neighborhood kids all came to see. Watching from a distance, Alex felt moved to comment, "You're attracting flies, Mom."

One girl said wistfully, "Wish we could do projects like that."

The smell fills the garage and on occasion permeates the walls. I invited my mother-in-law to see their project and she said, "I've smelled it."

The kids wanted to know why he smelled so bad. Rob said because he's tearing up all his songs. After all, he's de-composing!

Anyway, there's just no better way to express my feelings about all of this than in a song. (Sung to--you guessed it--"King Tut.")

You know, one of the fowl-est homeschool projects ever to grace the Fabian garage is the Mummification of King Kluck!
(King Kluck)
(King Kluck)
When Bauer wrote her hist'ry,
She never thought she'd see,
(King Kluck)
A Momma's eyes a-burning,
While making a mummy.
(King Kluck)
How'd you get so funky?
(Funky Kluck)
You're really smelling skunky.
(One he was free-range; now, he just smells strange, King Kluck)
(King Kluck)
Now if I'd known,
The stench would fill my home,
(King Kluck)
I'd've bought de-odorizer,
To kill that foul arome.
(King Kluck)
Bathed in cheap merlot,
(Funky Kluck)
Covered in oregano.
(Smells like a diaper; makes the dogs go hyper, King Kluck)
Change his salt out in the yard,
(We're all gagging)
The local kids think he's a star.
(Gross Kluck)
Stinkin' for a mile,
(Stinkin' Kluck)
We just grit our teeth and smile.
The garage will never be the same...
(King Kluck)
(Kluck, Kluck, Kluck, Kluck...)
Soggy salt stuff!
He's an Ovarian!
(King Kluck)
Technically, trans-genderin'
(Female Kluck)
Now when I die,
Now don't think I'm a nut.
(King Kluck)
Don't want no fancy funeral,
Just don't treat me like King Kluck!
(King Kluck)
He might make it to a mummy,
(Mummy Kluck)
If he'd only smell less scummy.
(Kids won't smell him on a dare, but the cat don't seem to care, he's fetid and he's fowl)
But we've learned a lot--and how!
(From King Kluck)

HOMESCHOOLING: Mummification Most Foul

You do not know the meaning of "stench" until you've tried to mummify a chicken.

It looked like such a neat project in the book: mummify an actual chicken. Make your own King Cluck! How cool can that be? Well, my older two kids refused to try, but my younger boys were game.

The older ones were by far the smarter.

For weeks, the Alex and Liam bothered me about when we'd mummify our clucker, so on Thursday, they were bouncing with excitement when I pulled it out of the fridge to start the project...

Until I told them we had to pull out its guts first.

They're boys! How can they get so squeamish about some giblets in a bag?

Well, Mom came to the rescue and it was decided to trash the giblets since the book said they'd stink even after mummification. (Of course, I'm savoring the irony of that statement now.) In the grand tradition of Fabian First Aid supplies, the rubbing alcohol had disappeared, so we decided to do things the Egyptian way and bathed it in wine.

Merlot, actually. Napoleonic Egyptians.

The boys were more than happy to mix the salt, baking soda and baking powder, plus the herbs "to improve the smell." The instructions said to double-baggie it, but not what to do with it then, so it sat on the counter.

Friday, according to instructions, we (read Mom) went to brush off the salt, which had absorbed the moisture of the chicken. While the boys made a new batch of salt, I opened the baggie--filling the kitchen with an aroma that defies description.

Think baby diaper, open sewage plant, and the Rappahannock River on a really off day. With oregano.

But it's all part of the learning experience right? So I wiped down King Cluck--now King Cluck-Awk!-Oh, Man! in honor of his royal stink. We filled him again with salt and double-baggied. This time, he went into the garage. We have to open the garage door regularly to air it out, but it's bearable.

Today was change the salt day. I was alone in this endeavor.

I didn't get to it until late evening, and while the older kids did homework in the school room, I dragged the malodorous, foulodorous project out of the garage. It immediately announced its presence.

"What's that Stench?!" Rob exclaimed.

"King Cluck! Be done with him in a minute!"

Well, it was more like 10 minutes of tending the fetorous foul, followed by 20 minutes of sterilizing everything from counters to floors to gloves. I bumped it against our Pur water filter. It may never be Pur again. I found the rubbing alcohol and used about half of it. Afterward, I took a long shower. We've discovered new meaning for the word "foul."

And the smell? Well, it's crept all around the house. I've got the windows and doors open downstairs and all the vent fans on. Rob has the window fan putting positive pressure in our room to keep the reek out. The dog is hiding up there, but the cat's being nonchalant about it all.

Next phase is Saturday. It will definitely be done outside.

I'm not sure if we'll be able to go the distance in preparing Ol' King Cluck for the Egyptian afterlife, but I if we do, I have a pretty good idea what Anubis will say.

And it's not, "Is that oregano?"

Me: Why We Homeschool

I got interested in homeschooling while doing some articles for the Wyoming Catholic Monitor, but Rob wasn't comfortable with it and I didn't have strong feelings about it, so our older kids went to school in Colorado. Sierra Vista was a great little school. The kids enjoyed it and learned well. When we moved to Rhode Island, however, Rob saw one of the schools they might attend--a large brick square with an asphalt playground and a six-foot fence between them and a busy street--and said, "Now's your chance to try homeschooling." We started with Amber and Steven in 2nd grade. Now Amber and Steven are in 6th grade; Alex, 1st; and Liam, Kindergarten.

I may talk up the advantages of homeschooling or sympathize with those who have or hear about problems in thier public school, but in general, I don't have anything against public schools. We've just really enjoyed homeschooling. I have such fun learning along with the kids. I still read the older two's history aloud even though they could study the chapter alone. I love being amazed at how quickly Alex picks up math--tell him once, and it's "Yeah, Mom. Got it." And he does! Liam is my firebrand and I've had to backtrack with him on writing, but he's very enthusiastic about getting--or missing--a question. Although we are very traditional in our subject matter and teaching styles, I like the flexibility of homeschooling. I like, too, that I can slow down or speed up as best fits my child. I think our family is closer and less schedule-stressed, and the kids are learning valuable life lessons as well. I like that they don't have to put up with the "socialization" public school is supposed to give and which made my own childhood very hard. Plus, being able to sleep in is a real advantage when you have an entire family of night owls.

Of course, homeschooling is no picnic. There are times I cry, yell, and am ready to ship the lot to boarding school. But that's another entry.