I "failed" the Jesus Test

I got a message from a friend today. She sent it because she liked the pictures, but it hits two of my pet peeves.

It's a "Forward to your friends" message--and those who know me know how I feel about them. This one was worse than usual.

It proposes to have a test for me and wishes me luck in getting 100. Then it has a bunch of famous paintings of Jesus' life. I'm thinking it's a trivia test, and since it's from a friend and the pictures are lovely, I scroll down instead of deleting it like I normally would. Sandwiched between the paintings and a photo of a mountain is this message:

I'm not ashamed He is the only one that can save this
country and they want him removed from the government.

Our great nation will not stand if we delete HIM from all aspects of our government as the atheists want.

Well, that's nothing I haven't heard before--and since Obama is now president-elect, I suppose I expected it. What I did not expect was this:

Jesus Test

This is an easy test, you score 100 or zero. It's your choice. If you aren't ashamed to do this, please follow the directions. Jesus said,'if you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.'

This is the simplest test If you Love God, and are not ashamed of all the marvelous thing he has done for you.. Send this to ten people

I'm not ashamed of my faith. I'm not ashamed to want Jesus in my life. But I'm not forwarding this message. It has nothing to do with shame. It has to do with my not using the name of my Lord in emotional blackmail. Perhaps, PERHAPS, if the message had been a reasoned argument, a link to an article or a personal and impassioned appeal for action, I might have considered it. This, however, will not change governments, minds or hearts, IMHO. It just spreads emotional spam. I deleted it and wrote this blog. Guess I failed.

Or did I?

Writer Spam and Submission letters that FAIL

Anybody else get this e-mail (Title: YOUR WORK)

Dear writer,

I find your ability to convey your ideas very refreshing. I think also that your characterizations are some of the best I've read. I think you may enjoy these flash fiction pieces I have written.

Thanks,
(Name removed because either this is a hoax or to spare the person, if real, public embarrassment. I'm pretty certain it's spam, though.)

This has to be spam, right? It has not one, but two attachments entitled THE PERFECT WOMAN. WPS and ABUSE AND SELF-ESTEEM.wps. (Yes, in all caps.)

Does anybody still open attachments from unknown senders? I don't care how complimentary the body of the message is--is anybody in this day and age still that naive?

And let's talk about the body of the message: "Dear writer": This person professes to love my work and its refreshing voice, but addresses me as "writer?" Please. Even a computer program could strip the @fabianspace off my address and give a more convincing "Dear Karina." Plus, I write sci-fi and fantasy--and they send me perfect woman and abuse? Yeah, said person really put some thought into what I'd like.

So, a clever spam approach FAILS.

Coincidentally, this would fail as a submission letter to an editor for the exact same reasons:

* "Dear Editor" Some magazines do say to address "editor" or "submissions editor," but in most cases, taking a few minutes to research the editor's name shows both courtesy and professionalism.

* Generic compliments do not impress an editor; they show lack of imagination or lack of research. Rather than say, "I find your magazine refreshing with some of the best stories I've ever read," compliment something specific. "I'm enjoying Jo Joeson's 'Clueless Spammaster from Beyond.' His e-mails to minions are priceless parody."

* READ THE GUIDELINES! If the mag is sci-fi, don't send fantasy. If they want a specific topic or angle, don't send something different in hopes that your brilliant prose will make them make an exception. It doesn't work that way. Editors please readers, and reader expectations drive guidelines.

* Attachments must be in a form the editor recognizes and works with. When in doubt, .rtf is pretty universal.

Incidentally, submissions to ISIG II are closed, incidentally. I've read all the stories and passed the ones I like on to my husband. However, the Air Force has other plans for his time and attention. It may be awhile.