Monday, October 04, 2010

Even on the road to hell, we see little glimpses of heaven.

"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions," is an adage that goes back to the 1600s, but it still applies today, and in several ways. My life last week got pretty road-to-Hellish because of things I did with the best of intentions. I don't want to go into details, but it's been one thing after another and has left me feeling like anything I touch is going to turn to dust. (or something more foul-smelling, but that's not as poetic. :) )

It's been very tempting to sit around the house, crying and alternately trying to convince myself that it's all my fault and that I can't do anything right, or believing that the whole world is against me. When I was younger, I probably would have. But I had the good fortune, the tangible blessing, to marry Rob Fabian. Not only does Rob love and support me, he also watchdogs my bad habits. After many years of patient (and sometimes not-so-patient) chiding, he broke me of the habit of spiraling into self pity. Now, too, we have four FABulous children that I need to be strong for, writers (friends and students) who depend on me--not to mention, a whole lineup of imaginary characters who resent the time and emotional energy taken away from them! Finally, I have grown in my faith and realize more than ever that not only can I take things to God, I need to.

We live in a new state, and I don't make live friends easily. I'm not good on the phone. So I sent out an SOS via Twitter and Facebook, asking for prayers and love.

I have received well wishes, and prayers and hugs and Mass intentions and rosaries and offers of support (even some practical help from those I could explain one of the situations to). Each one has been a little bit of heaven on this road to hell.

I may be on the road to hell, but that doesn't mean I'm going there. I have too many angels in my life preventing that from happening. Thanks, everyone! You are more than I deserve and I will do my best to be worthy of you. I love you all.


Walt said...

There was a bald guy with a lollipop up in New York that used to ask, "Who loves ya, baby?" In your case, I'd hazard the guess, most everybody.

Karina Fabian said...

You're a sweetheart, Walt.

Amanda Borenstadt said...

Oh, we've all been in that place. ((hugs)) You'll get through. You've got Him on your side. :)