A Mundane/Faerie Valentine's Day

Rob is coming home today!  Only for 2 weeks, but what a great Valentine's Day present!  I'm trying to not do anything online for those weeks, so today, I present you with a re-run of a Valentine's Day flash story I wrote.  Incidentally, if you think it's funny, check out my story about a blind date with Coyote the Trickster, "Perfect Ten".

Pandarus' Valentine's Day Massacre

 

Los Lagos, CO--Thoughts of romance turned to terror today as what shoppers thought was a store display cupid came to life and started shooting mall patrons. Pandarus, a Faerie cupid, was subdued by mall security personnel and has been charged with assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest, disturbing the peace, and distribution of a magically psychoactive substance.

Pandarus had apparently been hanging around the display window of Isabella's Secret at the Los Lagos Mall, unnoticed by the staff or patrons eager to shop for an extra surprise for their holiday celebrations. "I thought he was just part of the One Hour-My Spicy Valentine sale display," said assistant manager Dana Kline, as she rubbed her arm, where one of the heart-shaped arrowheads struck her, and leaned against her husband Jed Kline, an employee of Pretzelmakers across the hall.

At 6:45, as the store swelled with anxious shoppers flipping through lacy underthings and squabbling over the last Size 14 babydoll nightie, Pandarus is said to have positioned his bow, shouted, "Let Love In!" and pelted patrons with arrows.

The screams and subsequent stampede alerted Roy Alberts, mall guard and his partner Katie Robbins. They subdued Pandarus after a brief altercation.

"Roy caught him. He was so brave!" Robbins said, with a heavy sigh. Alberts, blushing, insisted he could not have snagged the cupid by his ankles if Robbins hadn't distracted the archer at just the right moment.

"And she took a shot. For me! We're such a great team," he said.

Although at least ten patrons--including Robbins and Alberts--claimed to have been hit by cupid's arrows, none needed medical attention, and in fact refused medical care in order to return home to their spouses, or left with another patron, lacy underthings forgotten.

"I have done a good thing here!" Pandarus is said to have shouted as he was carried off. "You will thank me!  I have brought you a happy Valentine's Day!"

Pandarus was on his way back to Faerie Greece after a being filming a commercial for the Venus and Eros online dating service. He is being held without bail.

***

POLICE BLOTTER:   Jed Kline, 25, and Dana Kline, 24, were arrested and charged with indecent exposure at Isabella's Secret changing room. Mrs. Kline was found under the influence of a cupid's arrow and declared not guilty, but Mr. Kline, who was not struck, was fined $150 dollars.

ENGAGEMENTS:

Robbins and Alberts: Katheryn (Katie) Marie Robbins and Roy Manuel Alberts announce their engagement and summer 2013 wedding plans. Robins is the daughter of Rae and George Robbins of Raleigh, NC.  

"Perfect Ten" is here!

When Sheila Mars lands a bind date, she knows she's found a "Perfect Ten"--but on what scale?

I originally wrote this for an anthology called "Anonymous Dates, Inc." whic Lea Schizas was compiling. The premise was a woman gets set up on a first date, which starts out great, but ends in a disaster. What could be more promising--and disastrous--and a first date with Coyote the Trickster God?

Unfortunately, the anthology didn't pan out, so Lea gave me the rights to the story back. Several years later, however, she started her own publishing company, MuseItUp, which also takes short stories. I think it's wonderful that she's publishing the story she helped found in the first place!

For my "Vern fans": This is the Coyote from my DragonEye, PI world. It takes place in Vegas, so you won't see Vern, but Sister Grace makes an appearance--but not until Coyote has a good long time to show is true self!

Also for "Vern fans": MuseItUp will be publishing Vern and Grace's next adventure, Live and Let Fly, in April 2012!

Here's an excerpt:

Well, he’s not so bad. Definitely dark and handsome, Sheila thought as she sat perched on the edge of the chair, clutching her phone tightly in case another decision needed to be made.

“He” was one Kyle Loaty: Emigrated to America from Faerie last year and had spent most of his time on a reservation in Montana, where he “lived off the land” and worked “helping the Sioux relearn the ancient legends.” 5’11”, Native American ancestry--if such a thing existed in Faerie--well muscled. Health Risk Assessment 5.2 at first blush, her assessor brain whispered. And there was something about him that made Sheila blush.

Nonetheless, she hadn’t gotten a good look at his face. He kept focused on someone off-stage (Martha, she realized), and his shiny, long black hair obscured his profile.
As if on cue, Martha’s voice urged, “Kyle, dear, please talk to the camera.”

“How can I talk to that machine when there is so much woman I can look at instead.”

Martha tittered, then cleared her throat. “But the women who want to meet you will watch the tape. Can’t you act as if the camera were one of them?”

“Oh!” he said earnestly. “Oh, I’m very good at playing pretend.”

He turned and gave the camera a smoldering stare.

Sheila dropped her phone.



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More Cover Art! Perfect Ten!

This is the month for cover art.

Here's the cover for "Perfect Ten," done by the talented Denise Clark. (See more of her stuff here.) Perfect Ten comes out in March from MuseItUp. It's the hilarious story of a first date gone terribly wrong.

Insurance actuary Sheila Mars just wants a quiet sheltered life, but her program for assessing health risks wins her a trip to Vegas, and her life coach talks her into going--and into trying new adventures. One of those adventures includes a blind date with the Faerie Kyle Lote. Gorgeous, sweet, attentive--could he be a Perfect Ten? Kyle, however, turns out to be Coyote, the Trickster, and as his true nature shows, Sheila realizes Ten might not be so perfect after all!

It's a short story, but full of Coyote fun!

Too early for pre-orders yet, but contact me and I'll let you know when it's out--or just stay tuned.