My editing Journey: Mind Over Psyche off again!

This yer, the second book will come out!  Yay!  I'm hoping we get the same cover artist.  Isn't he awesome?

Woo-hoo!  Mind Over Psyche, the second novel in the Mind Over trilogy is back to DragonMoon with much rewriting. For those that don't know the story:  Deryl Stephens is an 18-year old psychic who had no control over his powers and went insane.  After five years, he has some control but no hope of living outside the asylum where he's been a patient for five years.  Enter Joshua Lawson, a 19-year-old intern hired by one of Deryl's caregivers to befriend him and help him see he has a life outside the asylum walls.  Joshua, however, doesn't want to be a buddy, and he used Neuro Linguitic Programming to help Deryl cope with his so-called telepathic abilities. NLP works!  Deryl not only learns to block out others, but he discovers on voice--Tasmae--is in fact an alien who seeks his help to protect her world from invaders. 

In Mind Over Psyche:  When the chief psychiatrist decides to make a study of Deryl's abilities--and a guinea pig out of Deryl, Deryl escapes to her planet, accidentally taking Joshua in tow.  There, they find Tasmae haunted by the psyche of her ancient predecessor--someone who had also touched Deryl's mind...and been driven mad because of it.  Deryl and Joshua must help Tasmae solve the riddles of Gardianju's memories, return Tasmae to sanity, and get Joshua home.

For those who know the book:  You thought I had fun with Deryl going insane--wit 'till you see Tasmae.  She is scary!  O course, the Master returns with a new trap for Deryl.  Deryl gets a chance or two at romance, and Joshua gets to meet the oddest unicorns ever, develop some healing powers, and get scared out of his wits a time or two.  This book has enough novelty and excitement to stand on its own, but it's even better if you've read Mind Over Mind.


Here are some of the grammatical and writing items I improved:

--cut passive voice and progressives (was ---ing)
--took out stage directions:  He turned and...  She looked and...
--cut one scene I liked, but was peripheral to the flow of the scene
--cut down a couple of scenes to increase pace
--built a few scenes (usually only a sentence or two) to improve character or tension
--changed some details to better bridge the gap between Mind Over Mind and the next book, Mind Over All.

Mind Over Mind: Letter from Deryl

Dear Mom,

I'm 18 today. Legal to vote, legal to go to war--

That is, if I weren't committed in this asylum.

I don't blame Aunt Kate and Uncle Doug. Things were so confusing for so long. There were days I could barely hang onto my own name. There were too many other thoughts, too many personalities that wanted to impress themselves on me. How do you explain that to people without sounding crazy? Who was going to believe that I was psychic?

You would have. You'd have tried to help me. Why did you have to die? You saved my life that day, but for what?

I'm sorry, Mom. That's not fair. You didn't want to die. I'm sorry.

So, anyway. Eighteen today. We had a party. It was dismal. The cake was chocolate because Aunt Kate believes that normal people love chocolate. She's pregnant again--this child will live, I know it. I told her, too, but I don't know if she believed me. Uncle Doug snuck in some liquor, which Dr. Edith promptly confiscated. Still, it was the first time in a long time he's treated me with something other than pity or concern. Guess that means a lot, considering. Oh, and Edith got me something--a new friend. Not a dog or anything, but an intern. Joshua Lawson. He's arrogant, but I don't think he's a jerk. Just very, very sure of himself. Guess I'll be taking him down a peg or two.

I'll tell him the truth about my abilities. He won't believe me, but he'll pretend to--it's part of his psychiatric technique, neuro-linguistic programming. Like I'm a computer. But who knows? Maybe it will work. Heaven knows medication and meditation have done oh-so well. If it does, I'll have to hide it, though; Malachai likes his little guinea pig under his control. Gonna be an interesting summer.

Still, I hope it works. I need to get out of here, one way or another. Even if I skip the country and live my life on a deserted island, at least it will be my life, right? Who needs people, anyway? People are just headaches and confusion.

I don't know why I'm writing this, other than I promised Edith I would. She promised she wouldn't read it, but I'm going to burn it, anyway. Let's face it--psychic powers, "take him down a peg," not to mention the stuff about Malachai. I sound crazy, violent and paranoid. Just like you'd expect a committed teen to act, right?

Anyway, I feel Joshua coming down the hall. Edith actually let him sneak out the booze. I'm not legal drinking age, anymore, but I guess if I can't go to war or vote, right? I'll toast you, Mom. I love you and I miss you. I am grateful that you gave me life. Don't worry; I'll figure out what to do with it.

Love,
Deryl