I came across this scene while cleaning my desk. Someday, I will have a story for it, but in the meantime, I thought it was appropriate fun for Lent. Vern is my dragon detective, and Stan Rakness is a secret agent he sometimes works with. Their first adventure together is Live and Let Fly. In this adventure, Vern and Rakness have been caught by the villain, who is about to kill Stan.
Rakness: Whoa! Wait! I’m not going to die like this! (turns to Vern) Vern, hear my Confession!
Vern: What? I’m not a priest.
Rakness: Well, someone’s got to hear it and you’re a better candidate than Villain, here. I have a lot of sins weighing on me.
Vern: Why didn’t you go before we left?
Rakness: I got busy! Really? We’re having this conversation now?
Vern: Grace told you to go before we left!
Villain clears his throat.
Rakness: Look, I didn’t expect Villain to be so good at this. It doesn’t matter. I’m not spending half of eternity in Purgatory.
Vern: Eternity is infinite. How do you measure half of infinity?
Rakness: Bless me, Vern, for I have sinned---
Vern: I can’t!
Vern: Who are you calling “man”?
Rakness: Keep out of this! It’s been—
Vern: Hang on. Villain has a point. I can’t absolve you.
Rakness: Well, unless Villain has a priest in his employ, you have to. It’s like…emergency baptism or something!
Vern: You’re not a dying child, and I’m not a man.
Rakness: The priest stands in the place of Christ—
Vern: I can’t stand in for Christ. I’m not even the same species!
Rakness: I think God’s a little bigger than that, don’t you? (turns to Villain) Come on, back me up here…
At this point, the cavalry comes in.
Later, Rakness says: I can’t believe that worked!
Vern: Miracles never cease. Now, go to Confession!
Catholics should go to Confession a minimum of twice a year. If you're Catholic, take Vern's advice and go to Confession this Lent. It's good for your soul!