An excerpt from *I Left My Brains in San Francisco* concerning bridges

In  Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator: I Left My Brains in San Francisco, I wrote about a bridge that was badly constructed.  It was tarted on each end of the bay and didn't meet in the middle.  I figured I was writing fiction, then I saw this photo in a blog on 31 building mistakes. I had to share!

They were coming up on the I-80 Bay Bridge.  Neeta followed Ted's pointing finger to the blocked-off exit beside the original bridge.  Beyond it was a beautiful and abandoned stretch of highway that ended abruptly to start again, closer to San Francisco. 

"Hey!  That's where I'm supposed to make my appearance for Zehedron Hummers!  That's kind of weird."  Neeta said.

Ted switched the radio to the GPS-Guided Tours station.

"If you look to your right, you will see the famous Broken Bridge.  The Broken Bridge was started in 2037, a joint cooperative between the State of California and the Cities of San Francisco and Richmond.  Federal highway monies were allocated to the state, which in turn divided it between the cities.  Each city hired its own contractor to complete its half of the bridge.  Part of the Commission of Highway Expenditures And Programs Initiative, the plan would have saved the governments hundreds of thousands of dollars, except that fifteen months into construction, it was discovered that the two halves of the bridge would not meet, but in fact miss each other at a height difference of over sixty feet.  Two months later, an agreement was reached with the Roadbuilder's Union to halt construction with only one hundred and two feet of linear distance left to connect the two halves.

"Currently, the Supreme Court is trying to unravel the myriad of suits and counter-suits as both cities, the state, the companies, and the Roadbuilder's Union, plus the Association for the Prevention of Stupid Government Spending, sue each other over the errors.  In the meantime, the bridge has become an important cultural and events center, with the cities of Richmond and San Francisco renting out their respective halves of the bridge in order to recoup some of their financial losses and legal fees.

"Designed to withstand even a 9.8 earthquake, the Broken Bridge would have been a marvel of engineering, had it been completed.  It is visible to east-bound traffic on I-80, as well as accessible for westbound traffic in San Francisco.  We hope you will return later to admire this testimony to the Ingenuity of Man." 

Find Neeta Lyffe: I Left My Brains in San Francisco on Amazon.

The Latest in Zombie Fighting Technology

I'm offline for a few weeks, enjoying adventures with my husband and writing in notebooks instead of computers!  Here today is an excerpt from I Left My Brains in San Francisco for you enjoyment:

The Zombie Exterminator novels take place in 2040, a time of manure-based fuels, Global Fattening, and the shambling undead.  For your pleasure, I present to you an excerpt from I Left My Brains in San Francisco, in which we learn about the latest in zombie fighting technology.

"Kelsey Gardenberger here with Ron Potter on the DoCam, and we are the Zomblog.  We are at the ZomZeitgeber Expo floor, talking with Expo Man.  Hello, Expo Man!"

The fully suited, helmeted android twisted its head and said in a purposely mechanized voice, "Hello, Kelsey Gardenberger.  Hello, Zomblog viewers."   It raised its hand in a stiff wave.

Kelsey laughed.  "As you can see, Expo Man is running Retro Animation 2 for Animatronics.  You can download the freeware version by clicking the link on the sidebar.  Expo Man is also modeling the latest in extermination wear.  Expo Man, can you tell us what you have?"

The android paused while it whirred for a programmed one-point-five seconds; then it replied in a voice more reminiscent of the still running The Price is Right.  "That's right, Kelsey!  I am sporting the essentials for the well-prepared--and well-dressed--exterminator.  Starting with my head, I have a Motomania's Apocalypse 2000.  Sturdy and lightweight, with the latest in night vision--and an optional visor wiper!"

It touched a button on the side of its head and a small windshield wiper swiped the faceplate while cleaning fluid flowed from the top.

"Perfect for removing zombie gore--or when motorcycling through the foggy mornings of San Francisco!  Motomania's Apocalypse 2000. 

"My HazMat suit, courtesy of Sausalito Professional Wear, is a durable yet ecologically friendly blend of natural rubbers and synthetic polymers, combined with nanite technology.  Designed by Exterminator Outfitters' Edmund Acolyte, two-time winner of the International Golden Scissors, it moves like a dream while removing the bulkiness of most HazMat suits.  Nonetheless, it's also packed with pockets--front, back, hips and thigh--for easy access to those wonderful thrown distractions that the cunning exterminator uses--plus a Velcro-sealed pocket for your car keys.  Attractive and practical--that's Exterminator Outfitters.

"But no amount of headgear or suit safety will save you if your feet aren't protected.  That's why Go-lashes, Inc. has come up with their best footwear since the Stomp.  The Treads live up to their name, with even heavier, longer-lasting soles and improved arch support.  The redesigned sole provides an extra spring in your step.  Whether stalking the undead or running away like a ninny--better Tread than dead!

"Of course, you won't be running away if you're armed with the latest in extermination technology!  Let's begin with the ranged weapons."

The Ghostbusters theme, remixed by ZombieRoulette for the Belching Dragon Flamethrower Company, played out of Expo Man's chest as he reached behind his back and pulled out the nozzle of the flamethrower.  "You know who to call!  And when you need to take out a large group of zombies fast, there's nothing like good old-fashioned firepower.  The Belching Dragon series of flamethrowers has long been a favorite among exterminators, and this latest model is sure to please.  The Mark 9's longer nozzle contains plasma rifling to ensure a more targeted stream, while Belching Dragon's patented turbos provide extra thrust, increasing flame distance by up to five feet without sacrificing accuracy.  The onboard breeze meter is married to the computer to automatically adjust the plasma rifling to compensate for wind.  When the shambling undead threaten your territory, it's time to call in the Dragon."

As the theme music died out, Expo Man returned the flamethrower to its slot and raised its arm to show the tubing attached to its wrist and elbow.

"The power squirt gun has long been a standby in zombie extermination, but with Squirz, they'll soon be a thing of the past.  Why deal with bulky plastic when the automatic, air powered Squirz attaches neatly to the arm, yet sends a stream of your favorite zombie repellent up to twenty feet?  With a simple switch, you can set it from stream to spray.  The flexible plastic liquid containment pouch, or LCP, fits over the hips and across the back, allowing most operators to carry up to five gallons without strain."

Expo Man reached into his belt and pulled out a short cylindrical hilt.  He waved it around as he activated the switch in a classic Star Wars move.  A thin line of light unfolded from the hilt.

"Also new on the market, but becoming a fast favorite, are the monofilament swords.  Here's the Highlander Original.  Note the ergonomic design of the handle and easy-access thumb switch for turning it off and on.  The VEB, or visible electronic beam, that surrounds the blade has five standard color settings--or download your own favorite color.  Who says exterminators can't be fashionable?  Remember:  when the head must come away from the neck, you need the Highlander."

Expo Man whirred to a stop with a polycarbonate smile at Kelsey.  She returned it with a plastic one of her own.  "Um…no chainsaw?" she asked innocently, although she bit down on the sides of her lips in hidden mirth.

Expo Man straightened.  "I'm sorry, but after the Craftsmaster Demonstration Fiasco of 2046, animatronics have been forbidden to handle chainsaws in public areas."

Kelsey pursed her lips in a sympathetic pout.  "Of course.  Thank you so much, Expo Man.  Would you like to sign us out?"

"I thank you, Kelsey Gardenberger."  Expo Man turned toward the camera.  "This is Expo Man at ZomZeitgeber 2047, and you are watching the ZomBlog."

Purchase links:

Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator :  http://amzn.to/hTqMGa

I Left My Brains in San Francisco: http://amzn.to/Nzm01L

Learn more about the Zombie Exterminator novels at http://zombiedeathextreme.com

Find out about all of Karina Fabian’s books at http://fabianspace.com

Shambling in a Winter Wonderland

Coming Nov. 19, my next serial fundraiser story! 

Cover Art by Frr Mallory.  Story at http://skizombies.karinafabian.com

Zombie exterminators Neeta and Ted head to the slopes for a much-deserved break, but when a ski team that died in an avalanche dig themselves out of their snowy graves to finish the competition, it looks like a working vacation after all. 

"Shambling in a Winter Wonderland" will raise money for Operation Homefront. Operation Homefront provides emergency financial and other assistance to the families of our service members and wounded warriors.

Through generous, widespread public support and a collaborative team of exceptional staff and volunteers, we aspire to become the provider of choice for emergency financial and other assistance to the families of our service members and wounded warriors. Where there is a need we do not provide, we will partner with others for the benefit of our military families. 

Once again, I'm asking for donations.  You can donate as little as a dollar.  Every ten dollars aggregate will get the next episode put up.  (I anticipate 19 episodes, based on the lines of "Walking in a Winter Wonderland.") $25 or more will get you a choice of the Neeta Lyffe books, and $45 or more will get you both books.

Regardless of whether you donate or not, you are welcome to read along at http://skizombies.karianfabian.com

I Left My Brains in San Francisco goes on tour!

I'm touring I Left My Brains in San Francisco all this month.  Check out these sites for some zombie and writing fun!

30-Sep http://pennylockwoodehrenkranz.blogspot.com/ interview 1-Oct http://apiusman.blogspot.com guest post 2-Oct http://apiusman.blogspot.com interview 3-Oct http://apiusman.blogspot.com review 4-Oct http://tributebooksreviews.blogspot.com Info 5-Oct http://www.kees2create.com.au/the-other-side/ Info 6-Oct http://virginiajennings.webs.com/apps/blog/ interview 7-Oct http://thebookconnectionccm.blogspot.com guest post from neeta 8-Oct http://cookinwithmisshavana.blogspot.com/ guest post on how the story came to be & review 8-Oct http://www.writersfunzone.com/blog/ Writer's Fun Zone  ILMBISF 8-Oct tracysmorris.com guest post--writing plot or finding time to write 9-Oct http://virginiajennings.webs.com/apps/blog/ guest post--future tech 10-Oct http://lincolncrisler.info  guest post 11-Oct http://fabianspace.blogspot.com guest post from george or kim 11-Oct http://www.snoringscholar.com Twitterview 11-Oct http://www.freethewriterinside.com interview 12-Oct http://www.kees2create.com.au/the-other-side/ Interview 13-Oct www.rebeccaminto.blogspot.com Interview 14-Oct http://www.garywolson.com/blog/ keeping zombies fresh 15-Oct http://fabianspace.blogspot.com Fun Facts About NLZE2 15-Oct http://tmarquitz.com exclusive excerpt 16-Oct http://www.snoringscholar.com Review 17-Oct www.dennisauthor.com  info 18-Oct http://www.snoringscholar.com Guest Post--A catholic writes non-Catholic work 19-Oct http://www.kees2create.com.au/the-other-side/ Guest Post-Writing Tips 20-Oct http://michaelrwilsonfiction.wordpress.com/ Review 21-Oct http://michaelrwilsonfiction.wordpress.com/ Interview 22-Oct http://publottery.blogspot.com interview 22-Oct http://fabianspace.blogspot.com Zombie Make-Up tutorial 22-Oct thedeadwarseries.com Info-Neeta Lyffe 23-Oct http://potsnpens.blogspot.com/ recipe 24-Oct http://roxannebland.com guest post 25-Oct http://www.snoringscholar.com Review 25-Oct http://www.freethewriterinside.com guest post on zombies 25-Oct http://susannedrazic.blogspot.com/ Neeta Interview 26-Oct http://www.kees2create.com.au/the-other-side/ Gust Post-Marketing Tips 26-Oct http://karencioffiwritingandmarketing.com Building Neeta's World 27-Oct http://www.provozombiechase.com/ LIVE signing in Provo 27-Oct http://josephbspencer.com/blog interview 28-Oct http://www.suhalfwerk.blogspot.com/  Info,  29-Oct http://fabianspace.blogspot.com Shambling in a Winter Wonderland 29-Oct thedeadwarseries.com Info, ILMBiSF 30-Oct http://beccabutcher.wordpress.com interview 31-Oct http://www.writersfunzone.com/blog/ review 1-Nov http://fabianspace.blogspot.com/p/are-you-next-zombie-idol.html  Zombie Idol Contest Ends 2-Nov http://www.kees2create.com.au/the-other-side/ Review & Giveaway

Looking for a Singer--Is It You?

Damnation Books Seeks “Zombie Idol”

It’s not “American Idol,” but it’s all in good fun, and with zombies making a comeback, it’s a chance for zombie fans with a fair singing voice to strut—or shamble—their stuff.  Damnation Books and I are looking for someone to sing the theme song for the video trailer for I Left My Brains in San Francisco by Karina Fabian.

I Left My Brains in San Francisco is the second novel in my Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator series.  Neeta Lyffe is an exterminator with an unusual specialization—destroying zombies, the latest and most dangerous of the world’s household pests.  The first book in the series, Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, won the 2011 Global eBooks award for horror and was an eFestival of Words runner-up. 

In the second book, Neeta takes on a hoard of zombiefied environmental terrorists targeting the Bay Area.  It's a lot of fun, with zombie sightings all around San Francisco, lots of chain-say and sword-hacking action, and an invasion in a refinery!  You'll see some old friends form Zombie Death Extreme, and meet some great new characters with a few surprises up their sleeves.  Plus--Neeta my finally find the love of her life.

But what's this about a contest?  I got silly one night and wrote the theme song using music by Kevin MacLeod on http://incompetech.com.   I can't sing it well, however, so we are looking for someone else--ans we thougth this would be more fun than hiring someone.

 The details of the contest, plus the music, lyrics, and a demo of Karina Fabian singing the song can be found at http://fabianspace.blogspot.com/p/are-you-next-zombie-idol.html.   Contestants need to create their best interpretation of the song and post it in the comments section on YouTube, or post a link in the comments section of the blog. Entries will be judged on singing quality, and the winner must produce an .mp3 or .wav file in order to receive the grand prize, including both books,  a Napalm Sticks to Zombies t-shirt and a $25 gift certificate.  One in ten entries will also receive a copy of I Left My Brains in San Francisco, and especially creative video entries may receive prizes as well.

The contest runs until November 1^st, with the winners posted by November 15. 

Learn more about the books at http://zombiedeathextreme.com.  I've updated the site with everything but bios on the ZDE-Bayou crew.

Need your opinion: Which Blurb Makes You Most Want to Read Neeta Lyffe 2

One of the important things writers learn quickly is that it's not just about the manuscript.

Last Wednesday (after pre-loading a blog about the rotten week I'd had), I got the excellent news that Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains in San Francisco was accepted by Damnation Books. YAY!  *snoopydance*

I can't believe I found this. 

Well, that wonderful news took two days out of my Gapman writing, as I filled out forms for the cover artist, wrote the dedication and acknowledgements (with a few tears, since this is the last book my friend Walt Staples ever critted for me), cut excerpts down to size and wrote the back-cover blurbs.

Now, I seek your help.  I've got six blurbs from what I hope are four different angles.  I asked some trusted authors to narrow it down to three, and pass these on to you, dear readers for evaluation.

Please vote on the one that would most make you read the book.  I'll do a drawing from the comments and send the winner a copy of Neeta 2 when it's out in September.  To win, you must leave me a way to contact you--even a website with a contact page. (Last contest I did, several "winners" lost out because I had no way to find them.)

To make it more fun, you get one chance for your vote, one chance for your comment about why you'd chose it, and one chance for any critique you offer on your choice.

1. Zombie problem? Call Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

But not this weekend. She’s on vacation to an exterminator’s convention with her partner and boyfriend Ted, looking to relax, have fun, and have a little romance. Too bad the zombies at the Give Back Underwater Memorial Gardens and Fish Preserve have a different idea. When they rise from watery graves to take over the City by the Bay, it looks like a working vacation after all.

2. Zombie problem? Call Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator...but not this weekend.

On vacation at an exterminator’s convention, she's looking to relax, have fun, and enjoy a little romance. Too bad the zombies have a different idea. When they rise from their watery graves to take over the City by the Bay, it looks like it'll be a working vacation after all.

Enjoy the thrill of re-kill with Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

3. 2047. Zombies are pests, fuel is made from feces, and the rich and famous pay to become fish food.

Zombie exterminators, Neeta Lyffe and Ted Hacker, travel to San Francisco for a zombie convention, a little sightseeing and some romance. But when the fish-food celebrities rise from their watery graves to attack San Francisco, their “working vacation” takes on new meaning.

It’s chainsaws, undead, and romance in this second novel by satirist Karina Fabian.

**Manure-based fuels are important to the plot, but based on feedback, I'm wondering if this helps overcome the repulsive gross factor.

4.  2047. Zombies are pests, cars will soon run on crap, and the rich and famous pay to become fish food.

Zombie exterminators, Neeta Lyffe and Ted Hacker, travel to San Francisco for a zombie convention, a little sightseeing and some romance. But when the fish-food celebrities rise from their watery graves to attack San Francisco, their “working vacation” takes on new meaning.

It’s chainsaws, undead, and romance in this second novel by satirist Karina Fabian.



I'll announce the winner next Thursday.  Thanks!

My Novel's Journey: Neeta Lyffe 2 First Draft Done

What do you get when you combine a husband away for business, a furnace that won't work, and a story that gets a hold of you?  I got the conclusion of Neeta Lyffe 2; I Left My Brains in San Francisco!

Last week, Rob had to go to St. Louis for some meetings, and my car was in the shop, and then the furnace broke, so it was the perfect time to curl up under covers with my laptop to give me heat and just write.  I averaged 4000 words a day until I got to the end.  Woo-hoo!  I think I also have found my upper limit: 5000 words.  After that, my typing speed is holding me back, as is my ability to imagine and write at the same time.

However, just because I got to the end of the story, does not mean the manuscript is ready to go.  This one has had an interrupted history as I waited for information from sources in the oil refinery industry.  Also, when it came down to the end, some great new tweaks (and characters) introduced themselves, so my work has been to go back and weave in elements so that the first half and last half mesh better.

to do that, I printed out the manuscript, and am outlining it, trying to get a feel again for the flow of the story and the placement of the elements, and where I can naturally add sideplots.  Once I've finished, I think I may have to do this again, this time making columns for each plot to ensure that they are progressing at a proper pace.  Once again, I have a story where one character carries the main storyline, but the supporting stories are handled by a multitude of others. 

This has been a lot of fun, as I can introduce some of the quirky elements that I loved in Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.  We won't have forums this time, but we will have a Tweet analog, called Babble. I also added some more zombie sightings in San Francisco, which I was able to do with the suggestions of folks on Facebook.

Hopefully, by next week, I can announce that I'm sending it to critiquers and beta readers.

My Novel's Journey: Update on multiple projects 2

So, it looks like another week (two weeks) where I've been scattered across several projects, but several got finished this time, so I'm feeling good.


Completed:

"Of Slings and Feeling Vexed":  This is a DragonEye, PI short story I wrote for 10Flash's "The End of the World As We Know It" issue.  If you were in the flash fiction workshop at MuseCon, then you saw the first drafts.  The advice I got was terrific, and I fixed it up, and editor KC Ball loved it and made changes to make it even better.  It comes out in February!

"The Mover":  This is a story I brainstormed with my husband, Rob, for Damnation Book's hero anthology, Corrupts Absolutely?, though the characters took it in a different direction than I expected.  Lots of blue collar humor as a moving man get superpowers and realizes that he really isn't cut out for great responsibility after all.  I submitted it on Black Friday instead of shopping--a day better spent, IMHO.

The Damnation Books/Eternal Press Marketing Guide.  This was contracted booklet of marketing tips and ideas, plus examples and templates.  I'm honored that Kim Richards and Sally Christie had confidence in me to ask me to do this.  I'll be following up with classes and chats for the DB/EP authors.

"Valentine's Day Pandamonium":  My husband and I were joking about chasing each other around the old folk's home someday, and inspired this DragonEye story.  Pandarus, a cupid, gets mugged by folks in a retirement home who take his arrows to use on themselves.  Not sure if I'll submit it places or use it in my DragonEye, PI newsletter in March.


In Progress:


I Left My Brains in San Francisco:  I talked to my source at an oil refinery and got the ideas I need (I think) to finish this book.  I am working it out now, and I'm going to go back and thread more subplots in better.  Still aiming to finish this by end of December.  I'll need some critiquers and beta readers!

The Old Man in the Void:  He's still in the void, poor old man, and no one to chase around either!

"Christmas Spirits":  A DragonEye, PI mystery done in serial.  We have raised enough to buy a goat, but I'm hoping we can continue to raise funds to help more impoverished families in third-world nations.  Please check out the story at http://christmasspirits.karinafabian.com